at row #725

As you have read on the last post, much reworking and maybe 2000 stitches later (I am not counting anymore) the thing is ready for assembly. And I'm hungry. And I've got the paperwork to sort out.

God knows how things are going to get done by tomorrow.

When 'kill kill die die' doesn't work, it's just patience and perseverance. I never thought I would brace unravelling and reknitting especially when it got to the edges (i.e. super fiddly), but I did. Hey. I went from "&£(*%(£)!!!!" at first signs of trouble last week to imperceptible emotional reaction today. I learnt how to unravel stitches neatly (the first 20 were murder but the rest was plain sailing.) My eyes were fixed at my work so much the colour seemed to warp from a fire engine red to some sort of vinyl bright pink. Luckily now it's back to red again.

Alright then, back to work.

morals of fighting

I had a fight.

Having a sister who is around my age, I grew up learning that strategically placed bites could overturn the result of a scuffle and that hair yanks only work on girls. As we grew older, we learnt that linguistics make good armaments and that body language works better than scratching. (Fear not, the said fight is not between her and me.)

Personally, I dislike fights. My first response as a toddler was to cry and run away. This persisted into early primary school life, when one afternoon my exasperated mother said that if people hit me then it solves no problem if what I did was yelp for her - so I should hit them back (for everyone's sake I say now that I am no fan of retaliation and this sort of response does not apply to many cases when one is violated or victimised!) Well it is pretty clear now that I don't like scuffles, both physical and mental.

Sometimes, it feels like there is more than enough on my proverbial life-plate to deal with and I would lash out (complete with difficult words and all) on unfavourable injustices done onto me. I don't like lashing out, and I don't like how it makes me feel throughout the process, but when I have managed myself and expressed myself clearly I can be quite happy to have had a good fight. A fight where both sides can clearly communicate "you wronged me", "you're wrong", and sometimes "I hope you &*$#^¢£¥¿§!!" (although clearly not preferred for possible undoable mistake done with minimal actual progress achieved.)

But yeah, I just had one such fight. We've each stated our own points, had our disagreements, and think of the other as dickhead. And then we make up.

And I'm happy with it.

thanksgiving recap

It's 2:30AM down in Melbourne (which means strictly speaking I'm in the new year), but since I haven't gone to bed and this blog's timing is set to GMT... I still have a right to recap my year in time for this year's blog sign-off! Hooray!

This year, there have been a few developments here and there:

1. My sister got married and she gave me a brother-in-law. Wow.
2. Learnt to be more discussive with my parents... mainly through disagreements.
3. Adjusted to the fact that I am not a superwoman who flawlessly run three different parts of life that may intersect at times.
4. Followed up my acts and got myself sorted out for more Europe (worldwide?) travelling in 2009
5. Said enough to reticence, confronted unlike-minded guys, and dated a few more. Hardly everyday fare for someone used to self-cloistering.
6. Practised enough packing, moving and interim-living with minimum amounts of self-possession
7. Read more books, watched more movies. And learnt more about my music preferences.
8. Made real connections with people I had previously only known in name beforehand
9. Flew long-haul six times... that's about six days spent in airplanes and airports.
10. Started to use more of my computer's specs, until it conked out a few weeks ago.

I have little things to add to my list of things to do. I aim to improve the existing to-do/goal lists I have made in the past. And I aim to "make more money effectively". The little hamster in my brain's wheel churns out good ideas which need to be borne out.

(Which reminds me to do this. Phew - good timing!)

Anyway, that's all for now.
Wrapping up the year gives a better sense of what one has achieved during the year, and provides a good opportunity to tally them off with plans made at start of and during the year. Given your track records and plans, what do you plan to do with your life in the coming year? How do you reckon these will be carried out?

Happy new year!

(purple skies)

I'm due to submit my elective subjects selection for next year in three weeks' time. It feels overwhelming (if not slightly disconcerting) that I can only submit selection for three subjects out of the 20+ offered.

One thing I'm glad about is for a close friend's courtesy to help enslave me last year. Despite spending over half of my waking hours for two weeks hunched over some strangely shaped concoction of fusible interfacing, jersey and rigilene, I learnt that: (1) corsetry is not dead (2) there's more to corsetry than T&A tightlacing. This knowledge, combined with my parents' generosity to let me do any short courses 'as long as they're relevant to your career', helps me jump on the learners' bandwidth early on. Maybe UAL should give me a discount card for the courses I've taken with them.

Which does make me think... these few days I've been reading several strange and thought-provoking academic articles on fashion from an anthropological/cultural viewpoint. It's interesting to learn side-saddle horse riding in a long skirt is definitely a safety hazard, or the fact that men are more harshly expected to conform to a narrowly defined aesthetic standard.

As for not having the internet, it clearly limits my blogging time, but I don't find this limitation too bothersome. I got myself an overlocker (that's mesin obras for home folks) and as a consequence my fabric consumption has trebled - I've gobbled up the fabric allowance the school's stockroom has given me. Well, to be honest I didn't take the prerequisite jersey fabrics (ended up buying them instead) and used my allowance to get myself a nice bright green canvas fabric for... a rug. My flatmates have cheerfully dubbed it 'the grass'.

And, oh yeah, the man's gone. Long dead the man.
(If he came back to life I'd definitely freak out and start shooting silver bullets.)

On a tangent, I found this interesting obituary in the Guardian. What you make out of it is up to you.

Anyway, time to go off for shopping! That's fabrics for you and me :))
Take care ^__^

Itu Aku

Despite the fact it's Day 8 of the Gregorian calendar year 2008, I feel no qualms on... fretting about the previous year. Blame the fireworks, fabric-hunting and globe-traveling for the lateness :}

With my general state of health back in check, I'm happy to start the year doused in work (save the untouched holiday homework for next week's presentation). When it comes to 2007, my mind inevitably comes to these...

Getting into a BA course
For most of February and March, my favourite pastime (other than doing schoolwork) included hand-wringing and UCAS form-filling. The pageant experience came in handy for BA placement interviews.

Spending summer
Didn't score a job at Maticevski, wasn't needed for costumes and sets. So, it was London for summer. The weather was good on occasions, the pay was kinda okay, made lots of friends, learnt lots of things (both academically and life-wise), felt lonely, went on a Sloane Ranger life... summer flew out of my window and painted my memory with vivid colours. Which reminded me, I did win something.

Moving out
So yes, I moved out of SW3 (who knows I'll be back?? living in my own property?? XD) It was like comparing Yve to Rumah Susun Kemayoran. But then, central London residential buildings on average are old and dinghy, so there weren't much shock involved. I was way too timid, and I'm glad to have friends who managed to send chills down the spines and make me pick up my acts. I still cringe whenever 'toilet' and 'elevator' come to mind, but other than that life's fine and my flatmates managed to make that place feel like home.
(Oh, and they took the TV out of my room too, thank God I have more space now.)

Being not ashamed of myself
Big homework starting from last year, and probably will last for a while.

The resolutions
No new year resolutions for me - I'm sticking to this. Deadline is less than five months away.

Socialising
Moving in with friends is like marriage - each found out about the dark sides of the others. It helps me to be less politically correct and more astute in expressing my views and preferences on many issues, some of them being nutrition and personal hygiene.

The BF question
Once and for all, I shall make it clear that I do not like to be hindered by anything or anybody while pursuing what matters to me. I am normal, I appreciate guys and occasionally I like them too. But if asked whether I'd leave my study uncompleted, please don't be suprised if a d'oh glare becomes currency of the day.

Desire to own...
Pantone colour fan, exquisite fabrics and the ability to fly private jet on demand (visa included.)

Well folks, I think these sum up a lot already. Have a nice day! :))

P.S. shopping in Dubai yielded reasonably-priced face wash and isotonic drinks, $40 Nintendo DS excluded.

Saga

I am thankful of being able to do what I do right now.

Recently, a number of people have made me question my decision of going to UK to study design. It is not nice and rather hurtful to hear "she could do it because they are loaded", "she can definitely go everywhere", "she decided on a whim", "she didn't put much consideration into it", "it's easy sailing for her" and the likes.

When it comes to making decisions, I tend to swing between a passionate romantic and a cold skeptic - I have had my moments of ten-second resolutions and months of mulling over in some other cases. To be honest, there is no fixed formula for making life's decisions as life itself is fluid.

Also, I am not very fond of declaring that one thing will happen only to find out soon enough it would not. In early 2005 I made the declaration that I would definitely stay in Melbourne - working while studying design part-time - and could only see myself living in Indonesia "in ten years' time, possibly even more". It was obviously embarrassing and rather inconsistent to learn that within three months of the above-mentioned speech I wasn't accepted into RMIT, scored a job at Astra, entered into some sort of agreement with my parents, and booked a one-way ticket home.

I also got criticised for being able to flit and move around places relatively quickly. Well, moving around is no easy business, at the very least it's logistically challenging. Add up the burden of telling people you're close with you won't be seeing them till God knows when, re-establishing a support network in the new place, and being alone... then sometimes I wonder how I could manage to move around twice in a bit over a year.

Well, people are entitled to their own opinions.
And I am entitled to choose my attitude.

Me doing what I do right now is the product of a series of miracles. Here they come:

1. My parents' support
Knowing them, I honestly never thought my parents would ever let me study design. I have this funny hypotheses whether it might have been caused by that 'mural' I did on the bedroom wall when I was three, but anyway... learning about their support is amazing.

2. My extended family's support
Can't be thankful enough for their moral support.

3. The funding
Well, it just appeared out of nowhere, really. Nobody was expecting it.

4. The university offers
It happened twice with my less-than-impressive portfolios. It is a venerable institution, too...

5. Lack of tiara on head
If I had won, I would have been made to refuse the first university offer, and the study would've been jeopardised.

6. The visa farce
My first day of school started on 13 August, I was ready to board the flight, and the check-in attendant informed us my dad's visa is effective starting on 1 August and mine on 1 September (he was supposed to send me off - great.) The days in Dubai were spent with realising that weekends happen on Thursdays and Fridays in the Arab world, learning the British Embassy in Jakarta did not send any messages to Dubai regarding my visa case, and frantically re-applying my visa. Good thing it was granted on the spot, phew! ^__^;
Oh, and the embassy in Dubai misspelt my surname. I was having cold sweats while going through immigration.

7. Building a support network
I have never imagined making friends could ever be so straightforward. I met two of my closest friends in UK on first day of school - we were enrolling together, we got enrolled into the same class, and we were equally loud :)) These two are like sisters to me and I'm glad for them.
Also, more friends and contacts came along the way - I'm glad I have no reason to moan about for having made no friends.

8. The boarding
Found the place while doing a quick casual check on lettings. Got interviewed and accepted within two days, and moved in two days later. And it is pretty good, too :D very very blessed indeed.

9. The guarantor
The guarantor? It's very hard to come across one, and to make it even more challenging I had no relatives who could stand as my guarantor. And yet, someone offered to be my guarantor from week one :))

10. Skills
I haven't found a way to explain how, but I'm glad I'm learning new skills all the time (both technical and mental.)

So yes, I'm here by sheer miracles.
I guess if I find myself feeling down and low, I should give this list a look. The problems I face probably won't go away but at least I would feel better. After all, attitudes can make or break lives...

Thanks for listening to/reading my blabs! I'm glad there are people who, after all these rants, still stick their eyes here to read this post.

Take care,


from a person with a changed attitude.

Sagittarius

Humans are transient, yet the works of their hands are a legacy that lasts longer than their mortal existence.

With the death of Taufik Savalas, the Indonesian blogging community went into mourning. Many were saddened by his sudden departure, some more critical on how how his death overshadowed another transport disaster. As for myself, I am affected by his loss but at the same time I'm unfortunate enough to have not watched much of his now-infamous impersonations of public personalities (hence the lack of overpowering grief.) I hope his surviving family would have enough support to see through the future... somewhere along the way the Irwins have done after their loss of Steve, a.k.a. the Croc Hunter.

On a deeper note, I went to the Heart Exhibition in Euston. I was a bit surprised to find my visual studies tutor gazing at an exhibit case... finding your ex-tutor outside school premises and during vacation counts in as a nice surprise. The exhibit ranges from the cute, the religous to the scientific and the gruesome. It's an exhibition I wished Anne could see, for all the things she finds interesting.

I steeled myself to watch a heart transplant operation recording, casting a glance with my right eye when the scenes got a bit too stomach-churning. Why I used my right eye to have a peek is because the right eye is linked to the brain's left side, which handles logical work... my nerves would be too squeamish to hook up the gory images into my brain's right side. An opened-up chest cavity does have that beef rib layer look, and putting in the donor organ turned out to involve more work than removing the failing organ. I was somehow amused to learn how surgeons tack the inner chest cavity and blind stitch the skin... there are so much similarity shared with my current line of study. I simply have the luxury of being able to undo a faulty stitch with relative ease and little damage to the fabric structure; these surgeons can't do a wrong stitch at all!

All those tubes, machines and liquids were so needed to sustain the existence of a person. The human body is an amazing piece of living machinery in its own right. Medics devote so much time to learn about bodily functions that seem to happen as simple and assuring as how the sun rises from the east. Attempted mistreatement to the body is simply unthinkable o__o

I took down so much notes last night.

Finally, on the issue of how the heart is perceived as the centre of humanity. We have those moments when our hearts seem to have skipped a bit when that important, much-treasured name is mentioned (the other possibility is when the heart seems to calm down when that name is mentioned.) This diagram largely outlines my train of thought...


How do you think we relate to each other in a social setting?

It does make me think that the physical body is a vessel for our consciousness. The consciousness creates humanity, and in turn the humanity it creates gets passed down to the following generation. We are more than just DNA coding and bits of stardust floating around the universe; we are surely more complex and fine-tuned than that ^__^

Humans don't just exist because of a blip or due to some divine whim... there is a greater purpose in our existence, and it has much to do with sharing our lives with others around us.

I really get carried away with this post... I'm really satisfied ^__^ Also, I managed to get the MP3 file for this song - yippee! :D The song is important not only because it's freshly procured or it's in Japanese, but because the lyrics share a lot with the rambles I have in mind.

Well then, just got a call from my friends, so I better meet them and go watch Harry Potter... that is, if I can procure tickets for tonight's session :))

Zutto mabushii koe de
Kitto eien ni aru
Furueteta mune wo tomeru
Natsu no kizumi tsuzuite

Sotto kimi wo kanjiteru
Fuu to nagareru gensou wa
Nami mo kamo koko kara
Saratteku yoyuu de shizuka ni

Kasanari atte tojita me mitsumeru kokoro wo
Wasurenai de, wasurenai de

Aoi namida no kazu, hoshi no kazu
Musunda sora ni
Nowhere, nowhere, nowhere
Itsuka kiete yuku
Tsukamu hikari hitotsu, hitotsu dake
Egaita yume wo
Somewhere, somewhere, somewhere
Nagamete iru

Motto hohaba otoshite
Yatto yoko naranda rizumu
Mayonaka no odayaka na
Nami ni osare tabi suru

Ima kasanari atte tojita me ga mitsumeru kokoro wo
Wasurenai de, wasurenai de

Hajimete no sekai ni kono basho ni
Kinou no kage wa
Nowhere, nowhere, nowhere
Katachi ushinatta
Mimimoto de sasayaita ima tsubuyaita
Kimi no kotoba wa
Somewhere, somewhere, somewhere
Asu ni nageta

Wasurenai sa, wasurenai sa

Aoi namida no kazu hoshi no kazu
Musunda sora ni
Nowhere, nowhere, nowhere
Itsuka kiete yuku
Tsukamu hikari hitotsu, hitotsu dake
Egaita yume wo
Somewhere, somewhere, somewhere
Nagameru futari
Somewhere, somewhere, somewhere
Kono kimochi goto
Somewhere, somewhere, somewhere
Wasurenai de...

Samba do Soho

Honestly, what I went through today was not as pleasant as the above-mentioned song sounds like. The song is idyllic, beachy and holiday-ish in feel; whereas words like 'horrendous' and 'nightmare' didn't convey enough what I went through. If I could have killed my sewing machine, I probably would have. The zig-zag stitch setting often skipped, which caused me to unpick the topstitching seams many times, and they left holes on my beautiful pair of leather shorts. GOSH!! Talk about having to eat my heart out. I cried when I unpicked the stitches and tried re-aligning the needles into existing 'holes'... 'holes' on leather just don't look right at all they made me feel like a failure. I was at my nerves' end when, with only five centimetres of unstitched line on one side, the machine refused to budge. Because I didn't want to have anything more to do with mechanical failures and skipped stitches, I pulled out the thread and started doing the zig-zags by hand, while telling myself that I'd get rid of the machine once the fashion show is over. I'm going to trade it in for a more stable and powerful one.

Anne said I was stressed. KY offered his help to get rid of the machine. I was so distraught I decided to cook dinner instead... and a good dinner did I make.

I tend to release stress in funny ways. People scream, get destructive, do sport, go out and club, or sleep... I iron clothes, vacuum clean the floor or cook. There were moments back in my Camberwell days when, after a fight with my sister, I would stomp my way to the laundry room and started ironing my school shirts (which is pointless since they were made from crease-free fabric) or the bedsheets (also pointless as I would sleep on them and crease on them within 30 minutes). I feel there are more productive ways to express your frustration other than smashing glasses, ripping clothes apart and burning cigarette ends. If I were pissed because of a problem, making myself run out of plates or turning myself into smoked meat wouldn't make the problem go away. There must be something productive you can do!

And for now, I'm glad I didn't bash up sewing machines. My hands would have hurt badly if I did so, and I would've missed that elusive cashback. I am glad my cooking fed me well, and also made others well-nourished and happy. Tomorrow is another long day with its lump of stressful tasks, but that's another story for tomorrow. Now all I need to do is smile myself to sleep.

Take care, everyone!

When I walk around Soho
I remember gambowa
There's a feeling, there's a beat
That hacks me like a boa

Walking by the darks
Donga made a samba
In the rhythm of the people
From Angola, from Rwanda

Suffering the longing, the wonderful dilemma
Falling in the trap of the beautiful morena
Oh it feels so good, kissing you in the cinema
Now we're getting down in Soho
Send those pizza no problema

(thoughts from other sides)

I'm quite shocked to find out Picasa is limiting the picture upload limits to 1GB. There are still ways to host and upload pictures through flickr, but it's quite an inconvenience compared to the existing system. One gigabyte of free data hosting is generous, but the restriction is like a lame leg to those who upload massively sized picture files.

In the past 48 hours, I watched Schindler's List... twice.
By the way, my friends are chatting behind my back (literally), and somehow I'm interested to put down several lines that they verbalise. I want to verbalise myself too, but I find it more interesting to be on the listening side of things.

You can't stick to one rule and make yourself all... difficult.
--Magdalene

Do you believe in fortune-telling? --Mag
Let's say... I believe what they say, but I intend to prove they're wrong. --Anne
Then you should go. --Mag

How do you define what's beautiful and what's not? --Mag
It depends on yourself. --Anne

If people have the courage to kill themselves, they should have the courage to live on.
--Anne

You have to get worse before you can get better. --Anne
Frame of reference, hey? --Mag
'Cause sometimes when you pass the worse, you don't really realise it, but when you get the sun you realise that you pass it. I know there are more worse but at that moment, you know you're there because you were worse. --Anne

Take care from me and my friends ^__^ (although I'm borrowing their names because they didn't know what I'm typing out)

I Know a Place

Two weeks into the break and already in dire need of sleep.

Last weekend I went to Kent with my friends from church for a weekend away. I had previously thought that I was made for the gorgeous outdoors, albeit with a chic appearance, given my seemingly endless amounts of energy (yea, right.) My romantic notions were squashed when I realised during a walk in the countryside that I detest getting my shoes dirty! .\\//. Nevertheless, the manor we were staying with had some very cool equipments to clean boots with, which was good. They understand getting muddy is a part of life.

(I love paved or stony walkways.)

Secondly, I have been devoting much of my free time to help out a third year student - see past post for explanation. Although I love earning money, it has not been my primary motivation for helping her out; I simply would love to be lent a pair of helping hands when it would be my turn to do my graduation collection. It takes a lot of time, practice and patience to neatly finish a garment. The girl I'm helping out used to work at Alexander McQueen for two years, so she now has an eye for details - and the technician she employs is also a person for details. I'm so blessed to be able to see that every little button and every little way the thread goes through the fabric turns their finishing into a little work of embroidery. Besides, I also get fed a decent dinner before I leave every night... which is good!

Living at home with parents while studying is certainly a blessing. I totally understand that they may turn into nitwits who don't fit the description of 'cool' and 'flexible', but nevertheless they are a great help when it comes to being with you when you're going through a slog in your life. Sure, I can go through life independently, but there are times when I sit back on my bed and wish my parents were around to bother me so that I would move on.

I'm planning to go to Stonehenge on Monday. Between Monday and now, then, what I would do is sleep and rest as much as I can have. I might to go Tate Modern to see the slides. I'm just a kid who refuses to grow up play-wise I love playgrounds ^__^

Lastly, London tube map is a great design invention, but it's highly misleading when it comes to being a guide for pedestrians. I just found out that I live not that far away from a lot of museums, which means more walking on foot and more sightseeing! Plus more exercise for my lazy body. Tee hee hee :))

Have a good day!

When the whole world lets you down
And there's nowhere for you to turn,
'Cause all of your best friends have let you down, do-o-own
Then you try to accumulate
But the whole world is full of hate
So all of your best starts just drift into space

I know a place where we can carry on
I know a place where we can carry on
We can carry on, we can carry on
We can carry on, we can carry on

Katamari Holiday

Even though it's a day late to blurb about what happened on Wednesday, I'm doing it anyway.

OK, first things first: my normal attitude to Valentine's. Regardless of being dateless or not, I consider Feb 14 to be a day purposedly created by chocolate manufacturers and florists to generate half of their annual revenues (really.) Red roses nowadays have become a hot issue in England, particularly because of the carbon footprints created in growing and sourcing these roses from areas such as Africa and South America (I'd have lilies anytime, thank you.) Furthermore, there are 365.25 days in a year when you can express your care for that special someone, so why do it only for one day in a year? :q (calad's thoughts are pretty much on the same line with mine.)

Secondly: why I acted differently this year. Quite recently a friend ditched/was ditched by her boyfriend and she was feeling down, hence I arranged a dinner outing so that singletons (fresh ones in particular) wouldn't need to spend their evening wailing for their lives. All plans went well... until *somehow* almost all of the girls found romantically-charged dates to spark up their evening. At the end there were only three of us: KY, Mag and myself. We had fun eating out and hopping from one cafe to the other... who says being single on V-day means misery? :p




One thing I learnt from this stray occasion is... never eat out unless you really want to have the ambience of eating out! The queues were 20mins long (it was the restaurant's no-booking night), and service was... mediocre. It took us frantic hailing for about 15 minutes for us to order, before a further table chat of 20 minutes on oh-so-hungry-where-is-the-food wait. Paying took us 10 minutes. All these tell me something about planning for any sort of outing on Feb 14: either come in really early at five or really late at ten for dinner if you want decent service. Next year if there's anyone who wails for not having a date, I'll just come to her place and cook there instead.

And today, I've decided to stay home despite the offers to watch a late evening fashion show. I was told I need to put in more fabric and textiles into my research, which turned out into a day of making something that resembles a cabbage rose... and which made me think of Chanel's move to obtain Lesage is strategically sound. Honestly, that fairytale good ol' poor shoemaker is really lucky to have an army of crafty leprechauns to help him do his orders every night - I'd love to have that, too!

(I just have this thought that Lesage in reality is a factory chock full of crafty leprechauns, human-sized.)


Also, today's song hails from a videogame called We ♥ Katamari. This is my motivator song - it makes me stay put at what I do! Probably it's the prospects of stress-free holiday after the COMPACT scheme interviews that really makes me stick my head into what I'm doing, but anyway... it stops me from singing along and helps me do what I need to do :p

Alright, it's time to bed for me: hard work starts tomorrow at 7AM! With 13 days left to pack my portfolio, there are lots of things to do. That's life, isn't it :)) Take care!

The One Thing

Hey hey ^__^

I came across this article on Hubble Telescope while browsing/surfing online. By the article's subject, it is somehow bound to generate a lot of opinions and differences in perspective. Honestly, I love cosmology and the studies of heavenly bodies (as those stars and galaxies are alternatively referred to). Since humans started recording their states of being, there are records of the sky. To cut things short, here are several simple reasons why [I think] heavenly bodies exist:
1. They fuel our desire to advance sciences. Insulating materials and gravity-free pens are pretty commonplace nowadays (although the later is still a bit pricey), and both hailed from supplementary researches into keeping humans alive and working well in space. Why send humans into space? Because, believe it or not, we want to see how far we can physically go.
2. The sight of heavenly bodies is a vitamin for the soul. We anticipate shooting stars and look forward to watching meteor showers and eclipses; I personally love looking at the starry night sky. It makes me go 'wow!'
3. Heavenly bodies exist as they give livelihoods to scientists and astronauts dedicating their lives (and making their living by) studying them. IMO, this is very very important ^^

As for myself... having to live on a budget is definitely fun and creative, if not life-changing.

I'm glad I found out how to grow crystals on rusty wires, but I'm concerned about how to arrange the wires before dipping the whole thing into a bath of calcium sulphate concentrate ^^; Oh well, I am getting the concentrate tomorrow for sure. Sea salt and Epsom salt just don't cut it - they crumble when pressure is applied.

I also find designing pantalon/pants to be more difficult in comparison to designing skirts and dresses - that's probably because I don't wear pants often enough (huh?) Friends and colleagues would certainly sing in unison if asked what Marsha would wear today - it's likely to be a skirt or a dress! Meh... this is something I need to closely work on 9__9;>

Alright, have a good Sunday ^^ take care!

I've questioned significance
Meaning and relevance
Does the work I'm doing really matter at all?
Well I've questioned my friendships
Alliance, dependence
Who will still be here when I fall?

But the one thing I don't question is you
You really love me like you say you do
So hold me, hold me
Hold me
Hold me

Only one thing doesn't change
Only one thing stays the same
All I know at the end of the day is your love remains
Only one thing doesn't change
Only one thing stays the same
All I know at the end of the day is your love remains

The Rain in Spain

In the lifestyle arena, Fashion is often represented as the fickle sister of Style. This is common thinking... until today's catalyst question at class bothered us: what does the word 'fashion' mean?

After a lengthy discussion, we came to our conclusion. Here is our account on what fashion means:
- an individualised representation of group identity
- more than just the clothes and the accessories; it encompasses art, music, food, lifestyle and many other things...
- a constantly moving way to project oneself
- a means to maintain the mental health and wellbeing of a large number of people by introducing change in stagnant lives
So far so interesting. What do you think of it?

On Friday I went to a Modigliani exhibition at RA. It was amazing to see a man whose life was cut short by alcohol and substance abuse achieved a level of maturity in his works. What I mean by maturity is not how photographically representative his pictures are; it is about expressing his ideas of his paintings' subjects using his 'vocabulary' of colours, strokes and shapes. Modigliani is well-known to paint his subjects with oval heads and elongated necks, and with a tranquil grace that belies whatever rage was going on between the subject and him.

What also impressed me on a personal level was the fact that a certain lady by the name of Jeanne Hébuterne played a major role in his life. Well, we all agree than anything can happen when sparks fly. She was an up-and-coming young female artist, talented in her own right, who ended up becoming the love of his life (good on her.) The conclusion I draw from this case is that it's amazing to see how companions help each other. A friend of mine at high school once mused, "for every great man, there is a great woman behind him." Each half inspires and complements the other half.

This brings me to the chicken-or-egg-first-like issue: what is the exact relationship between science and art? Surely science has donated much to the advancement of the humankind (e.g. longer life spans, better medicines, chemical and technological breakthroughs). What has art done other than a few pieces in need to be perpetually shielded and cared for?

This boils down to our brain: our brain is divided into three parts (the left side, the right side and the 'trunk'.) The 'trunk' is always needed so the spotlight is now on the left and right sides. The left half of the brain is the logical (scientific) side of brain, whereas the right half is imaginary (artistic) in nature. Scientific advancements are being adopted in artistic disciplines as they greatly improve the way these artists create and deliver their works. However, the scientists themselves need to be inspired... and who tickled their inspirations? None other than the artists themselves. The feeding-off action doesn't work in a strictly linear and measurable manner (it is contemptuous to assume every idea will flourish into a full-scale innovation.) Without one, the other cannot survive.

I wish the public understands how important general art education is to improving a well-rounded understanding of the world, and so that they act in an accordant manner to this aim.

Today's vent-my-spleen is enough for the time being. Now, on today's choice of song.

In My Fair Lady, a certain rough and uneducated girl was transformed into a high-society lady who is creme de la creme of every young women. This illustrates transformation comes when one makes a decision to change and persevere towards realising that goal. I was talking to a long-time primary school friend over the phone the other day. We shared about the peaks and troughs of what we are going through, and it dawned on us that we need to start the change ourselves if we want to bring one into our lives. We can't bicker, sit around and just wait for change to somehow fall upon us like a durian would. Well, I won't recommend sitting under a durian tree either.

As for me, I need to change. It's one month into living at somebody else's residence (not of someone related by blood to my family), and I am learning more that I would or could have learned had I lived in a students' hall. My landlady is notoriously strict with safety procedures, and my [other] housemate particularly finicky with things being in order! I'm grateful for having to go through this whole experience. The interactions I have in this house, although not always pleasant, are definitely useful in shaping my characters. To be an ideal tenant/housemate/landlady, I still have a lot to learn from them.

(And yes, the Swedish has a lot to offer on storage tips. Haven't quite made it to Ikea.)

Alright, it's beauty sleep time now :)) Comments are most welcome. Have a good day!

A Foggy Day (in London Town)

London is not as foggy as I imagined it to be. There is actually a fair amount of sun (10-minute bursts?) in the afternoon.

I'm honestly nerve-wrecked at the fact I haven't secured another back-up apartment to move to. The one that's been confirmed is situated in a not-so-familiar-looking neighbourhood, and I (being a fussy young lady who lived her adolescence in a predominantly English-looking area) am not too impressed with it.

Surprisingly, I made friends to two lively girls, both packed with loads of personality and an interesting background (and suprisingly: Asians well-conversed in English, with one having a slight Brit accent.) At this stage I'm not too stressed not to find Caucasian-looking friends as it is a one-month preparatory class. There are some benefits coming from the classes too, one of them being well-acquainted with the accent. Meh heh heh heh.

As I have also left this blog hanging for some time, I will also clarify the experiences of being in a beauty pageant. Here they are:
1. Contrary to the presumption that beauty queens have their beauty sleep, we were expected to present ourselves to the make-up team no later than 5AM every day. This is noteworthy as our previous day usually ended at 11PM the earliest.
2. Yes, we do have good skin, but we do have the occasional zit or two. And yes, it's possible for one to be in an unlucky situation and have her foundation colour mismatched to her skin.
3. The majority of girls who were quarantined have good personality and ethics. A vocal minority, however, did exhibit certain traits of jealousy and tendency to cat-fight at minor setbacks. Therefore, it's important to keep one's sanity and develop an extensive network regardless of whether one is a target of such bitchiness or not.
4. Not all of the girls (myself included) have previous experience in such competitions.
5. The sash, the number plate and the nametag are indispensible accessories to every occasion.
6. It was amusing to find out the buses we rode in are flanked by two policemen riding in a zig-zag manner on a huge motorcycle.
7. Choreography was a day-to-day activity staple: at least four hours are dedicated to it every night.
8. It's important to keep one's room clean at all time, as you might have an interesting personality (or two) come into your room and go through your pile of dirty clothing. That being said, it's handy to take advantage of the daily laundry allowance being offered by the hotel.
9. We did get a range of unusual classes, one of them being "the wave" class.
10. Being down-to-earth is a trait of personality that is highly valued. The competition may get glamorous and unrealistic at times, but our lives do return to normal (exceptions for three very lucky/pitiful girls) after it ends, so be normal.
11. Not winning is not the end of the world, and it may be a good thing at the end.

I miss the friends I made during the whole experience though... sob... it's also enlightening to learn that we could get to where we were because of the extensive support of our friends/rivals and family, and not solely on our capabilities. These evidences only became so apparent and undeniable during those days, and seeing them materialize is definitely a life-transforming experience in itself.

After all those are being said, I am now making a remarkably smooth transition to London. I do have a visa that was sloppily prepared, but I have almost nothing to complain about (and I wouldn't like to complain about things anyway.) So... I guess that's all for now.

Oh, as another note, this blog will count in as part of my homework of a diary. So Kevin, if you're reading this, take it as my diary. Meh heh heh heh.

Take care!

A foggy day in London town
Had me low and had me down
I viewed the morning with such alarm
The British Museum had lost its charm
How long, I wondered, could this thing last?
But the age of miracles hadn't passed
For, suddenly, I saw you there
And through the foggy London town
The sun was shining, everywhere.

How to Save a Life

I see so many portraits of women of all ages, and it dawns on me that certain things (e.g. pleasant-to-look-at face, svelte or voluptuous body) are simply not a foolproof pointer somebody is beautiful and/or desirable. Take the example of an inang tua (auntie) of mine: at 68, she still radiates a certain air of refinement it is neither snobby nor weak. Yes, she had a comparably delicate facial structure compared to her fellow female clan members. Yes, she coloured her hair black as many women of her age do. No, she didn't put any makeup on. No, she wasn't wearing branded clothes. No, she wasn't impressively genius but she is able to carry a conversation to please both the guest-in-conversation and her curiosity (hence a good host). Therefore, in her I observed beauty consists of grace, patience, intelligence and a little bit of a sweet face.

Some people possess this smile so genuine it makes you want to keep them smiling just for the sake of looking at their smiling face; I can't explain why.

On the issue of being a woman, I would like to state that I behave differently in the sense that I feel less inhibited to express my beliefs and act upon them. What I observe during the past year of my life that this is not the common approach women in Indonesia use when expressing themselves. However, I also admit that there are a number of areas in which I still need to brush myself up. Go figure! Fingers crossed :D

There is one question that I must answer: what makes me beautiful?

(Honestly, I think it's a question that may take a lifetime to answer.)

Take care and sleep well.

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and gave him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where Can You Hide?

I surely have no idea what to blab on right now... one certain thing is I want to sleep. Another thing I'm certain of is that I'm at this point of exhaustion it became very easy to react venomously to others (bad bad bad Marsha.)

It is quite a horror too, to find my hand lacks the discipline to draw. My eyes are not accustomed to measuring curves since everything is boxy and compartmentalized. A boss at the office wished there would be other 'shapes' of laptops/notebooks because he got bored with what the market has on offer right now (and yes, owning an Apple doesn't indicate somebody can't get bored with computers.)

I also feel the need to go to parks or some natural reserves to get my 'greeneries' energy. Sitting and relaxing in a park do wonders - I often found myself revitalised after doing so... which is why I'd really like to go to decent parks and gardens!

Enough with the complaints. Now, for the counter-balancing acts.

Do you know human beings on average recall bad events 2.5 times as many as recalling a positive experience? If you don't, well, now you do know ^^; (corny me.) I'm glad someone prepares dinner for me so that I can eat straightaway when I return home... yay!

There was also this accident happening to Rae last night. I heard he lost control of his car and smashed into a pole on his way from after-office drinks. It was quite scary to learn many passer-bys in Indonesia would feel little hesitation and have no burden raiding a car smashed up in an accident literally SECONDS after the disaster happened (now talk about the nation's advancement - it won't happen in the near future for sure with this kind of attitude.) Since Rae's car was smashed up and he looked like a Chinese (are you one, Rae?), this motley of free-riders felt even more enlightened to carry out their acts. He was lucky there was a passer-by who helped him out given he was helped out on a past accident in the first place. I was just amazed at how Rae was able to walk away relatively unscathed. Rae, when you read this, know that you are given a new lease on life to do it properly - and do something positive to yourself with that fact in mind!

My grandma also testified about how she felt Indonesians tend to be big on talks. She recently went to Egypt on a tour, and went to the Pyramids (d'oh.) When I met her on return, she admitted ruefully that although "those people on the media say they know what they're doing [in relation to exacts and sciences], they don't. Because the Egyptians could assemble the Pyramids thousands of years ago and it still stands soundly today." It is very amusing to hear her share her thoughts, and it's good to know she got to observe many things she wouldn't normally be able to observe. I hope she has more chance to travel overseas, it's good for her ^^ She ends up talking about things that do not stress her out. Ah, ah, ah ^^

As for myself, yes, I'd love to travel! Anybody care to offer me a free flight and spending money to Scandinavia?

You see, I'm now feeling better off after doing this blog. Which means I'm going off to bed. Alright, good night everybody, and take care! :D

It's more than ordinary
This situation she's found herself in tonight
There ain't no book about it and she can't take
Anymore well-meaning advice
And one more thing about her
She's tried more than twice

Where can you hide from the darkness inside you?
And here can you run when you've lost your road?
What do you say to the voices inside you?
When all you try won't make them go away

This is his testimony, his salvation story
Found in the pain of her heart
There ain't no use in trying
His words just start her crying
Reason won't unbreak this heart

Where can you hide from the darkness inside you?
And here can you run when you've lost your road?
What do you say to the voices inside you?
When all you try won't make them go away

Learn To Let Go

I'm a bit jittery in making life's substantial decisions. It scares me to death to think I might have made an ineffective choice. There are times I wish life was simpler... but probably if it was as predictable as Ford's Model T production line ("you can have it in any colour as long as it's black"), life would lose all its zest and drive.

Sometimes I dislike myself for having been heavily educated with numbers. My mind rolls little cost-vs-benefit analysis once every couple of minutes, and they do get a bit convoluted at times though they make a good check-and-balances system for my mind. I am not going to lose out on the second chance I'm getting right now. It is daunting to prepare a portfolio after a four-year hiatus, but winters come to an end and so should the hiatus be.

It feels like I'm getting a flu, so I better go to bed soon. Just before I leave, there was this story I read about a guy who offered a one-thousand rupiah or a one-hundred-thousand rupiah to an elderly beggar. She wanted to take the one-hundred-thousand note, but the guy told her it was an interest-free loan payable in three months. She then searched for her spare cooking utensils, made a living out of her gado-gado business, and managed to return the loan two days early. She was touched at how this young man managed to let her have her dignity in life and not have to beg anymore. Now, to improve others' lives, do we want to do this kind of thing to those less fortunate than us...?

I will leave you to ponder on that question. Take care!

How I learnt to hold you when you cried
I learnt how to let you be strong
Learnt how to calm you in the dark
Learnt how to listen with my heart
I learnt how to watch you grow
But how will I learn to let go?

If We Pray

Happy new year (again), everyone...

Just had a check-up on my Friendster account, since it had been well neglected for the past month or so. Just had a look at pictures of people graduating - once again, congrats to DD and Irene... and also to Pau who has been so patient putting up with these two ^^; Finding myself still wallowing in homesickness, counting time progression by seasons and daylight time savings. Finding myself sick of it.

And finally, finding three addresses I should go to... to see whether I can get an internship.

Being impartial to my own decision also proved to be a challenging matter. Too often we choose to follow 'our heart' since it felt right. I've stopped counting how many times it leads to consequences we otherwise would not face if we were more coolheaded (at least twice for sure.) To reverse time and yearn for the past is to run after an illusion of oasis in the desert. I personally dislike myself for being able to whinge so much.

A couple of days ago I had one such 'whinge-ing' session with a friend over the phone. I was given a thorough character assassination, one I particularly dislike (on the topic of using a strong will correctly.) I also feel so left behind (another thing I particularly dislike), so passe. The words burned right through... I felt very tempted to shout on the receiver and bang it to end the call... luckily good manners prevailed that moment... imagine trying to be patient and open-hearted for the past couple of months with nobody giving you any useful feedback (e.g. "you're fine", "it's so okay") , then suddenly *WHAM* someone told you you're not up to it. Yes, I agree I'm not up to it and I'd like to be up to it. Would you, those who profess to be a good friend of mine, please help me improve?

Another day I had my hopes crushed. Honestly, if someone asks me what walking with God feels like, I'd say I feel like a dumbass (which is true to every letter: dumbass.) Practising obedience is harder than imagined, but I won't give up. If I give up, it means I wouldn't walk my talk (another big dislike.) I've been calming myself with sleeping extra hours and making patterns lately. Probably if someone reads my blog in a chronological order, he/she will find straight away that mere feelings make a fickle foundation to good decisions because they are always relative. The only absolute thing about feelings is its relativity.

I'm blessed with a sharp memory, but a sharp memory in itself can turn into toxins if used improperly. On other moments, I get frustrated on not being able to remember particular details of an event, especially if I'm about to use those details to moot my points. It's weird because sometimes forgetting those events (without forgetting the lessons learnt) is a way of healing yourself. I don't quite understand it yet since I want to have a pure heart and sharp memory, so I'll be exploring myself for some time to come up with a good answer.

Alright, thanks a lot for reading on... the knowledge of a good friend reading this blog is already a soothing point for me. Thank you for listening patiently; I hope you have courage to journey the good days ahead of you ^^ Take care!

Another broken heart that's in need of healing
Another weary soul in the world that's reeling
I can turn my head and harness the things that give those feelings
'cause your tears are my tears
We all cry the same

And if we pray, pray
Minute by minute, step by step
the Lord will lead the way
Pray, lift your voices everyday
We will find hope if we pray.

(Bali, the 2nd)

Just letting everybody calm down by declaring:

Last night (and even today), I wasn't in Bali. Hence I wasn't caught up in the catastrophe. Thank you for all who have been worried of my whereabouts; luckily, I was plain lucky. Thankies ^^

Last night I went to the youth fellowship at Hartadi and Hero's church. Hartadi wasn't there... grrrgh... but Hero was, yay!! The fellowship itself resembled PK. We weren't allocated in the same small group in the fellowship, but then that was fine too. I get to meet up with people... some even thought I was of the tender age of eighteen... but really, now I can legally have liquor in the States! (meaning: 21 already.) Each group was told to build a tower from a stack of postcards (courtesy of Hawa Communicator). My group ended up winning for no apparent reason. The cards kept falling at first, we were frustrated (one even started wandering around), but after a while the cards just held themselves together and we kept building up. We just realised we were winning when others started to cheer on us. I took a picture of the tower.



I went out to purchase watercolour paints today. They sure are freakin' pricey!! About 10% of my monthly salary went out the door when I swiped the card... sigh... my purchasing power is going down, especially with the fuel price increase. But anyway, the real world is not a bed of roses, so we gotta make do with what we have.

There's this phone dialogue I once had with a mid-aged guy...
Mid-aged guy (G): so, do you give 10% of your income to church?
Marsha (M): you mean, tithe? Yes... (thinks) why?
G: Aren't you afraid to run out of money?
M: (confused) ...what do you mean?
G: Well, if you give your money out, you'll have nothing left for your family... your parents... your brothers and sister...
M: (somewhat dumbed down) Erm... there's still 90% left for me to use up, right?
The point with tithes is that they are God's right. The money isn't ours. Plus, they're not that much anyway, when you come to think of it. I spent 10% of my monthly salary for watercolour paints in three hours ^.^;

Alright, that's all for now... take care, everyone!

Drawing Me Closer

Tired, but happy!

It's been two-and-a-half weeks since the pattern-making evening classes start. The schedule is a big burden on me physically (imagine working/being alert from 7:30AM to 8PM). Ponky even told me not to die too soon :q I won't, there are way too many things to finish before I can take a long rest.

Yesterday evening I went back from the design school with G (a work colleague who can't pronounce rolling r). While I was driving along a major road, we got stopped by the police. It turned out G didn't put on his seatbelt until the police caught him red-handed not putting it on (fyi, G has been doing the car-pooling thing with me for some time, and he knows well I demand everybody in the car to be belted up.) Given the car I was driving, the police wanted to fine me big time, but I snapped back at him and told him to finish up whatever business he's up to with G and not me. He agreed and asked me to park further down the road (to which I agreed.) Before I let G out, I gave him a dose of... well... I don't know what to call it... it was all too clear to see I was angry big time with him.

Okay, enough with the police business. I got a new mobile phone! ^^ It's nice, and the expandable storage's capacity included in the purchase is quite generous. I wonder, though, whether guys feel the need to upgrade their tech toys three days into using it (I'm already contemplating the purchase of another Memory Stick.) Also, now that the drama is finished, I have a greater likelihood to succeed in moving to Hartadi and Hero's youth fellowship.

And oh, if someone's wondering how I'm faring with homesickness, I'm just surviving. I miss Melbourne. Even my friends at work say that my mudik ke kampong (homecoming) is going back to Melbourne (glad they acknowledge it :)) )

Good night, everybody. I don't want to be late to work tomorrow morning. Take good care, since we all will be responsible of how we use our time on Earth. Bye!

What would I be, if not for You
movin' me?

It's the hope I know
The grace You show that's
drawing me closer
It's the peace I feel
It's Your love so real that's
drawing me closer
And my heart's filled with pure amazement
everytime I feel the tender touch of Your love
Drawing me closer