€93 shipping fee

Invoices had just started coming in. And with such a grand example of sum one is likely to forfeit for one-time shipping, it's high time to get a courier account.

Reading contracts in Indonesian doesn't come as naturally to me.
Talk about sounding snobbish; such a fact can be 'read' in many different ways depending on the reader's state of mind. It's just because my brain finds it easier that way.

Lilly

It turned out I'm not the lone economic-minded person in my class: Adele has a Masters degree in accounting under her belt. Yay! ^^

The infamous 'equipment list' (cue word for "fork out your cash and plastics") was finally out today. I was lucky the college shop had already run out of things when I got there; it meant I would have less pressure of getting my things then and there. It also meant that I would have a chance to find something different, too... SoHo was littered with fabric and art shops, and I managed to pick up a neat A3 folder with bonded leather cover. It's definitely a stand-out to what most people will have, and it will be less likely to be accidentally swapped with somebody else's. Worked out to be cheaper, too ^^

I have been doing my finances for the couple of days, and the outlook is rather ghastly. It is a totally different experience to subject your spending patterns to merciless classifications and tough analysis in place of another company's checks and balances. Groceries were a bit steep but I was expecting it to be so, given the state of the food cabinet shelves and my allocated space in the fridge. I eat a lot. At the end, the largest outlays were for basic eating out (out of hunger) and snacks. Er, yeah.

(Marsha going through 6 hours without food? That is rare.)

One interesting fact to know is that my college has a digital fabric printing machine. They cost a fortune, but luckily now it turns out I would need to neither buy nor rent them. Sweet! :D So that's where all those tuition fees go to...

There is this current issue in London whether fashion shows should ban size zero (read: super skinny) models. To be statistically correct, size zeros are not the norm; they are the exceptions. The general public subjected to these campaigns are general (read: within the normal ranges) and consequently one is less likely to have a size zero body... unless you're blessed/cursed with a hyperactive thyroid gland or weird genes. A person should never force oneself to be what one is not; that includes accepting one's body size and not coveting others. Hmmm... I like fuller figures too, but I don't think sending size 16 models down the catwalk will improve people's body image in the long run. Trying to become like what the models are like (whether they are svelte or curvy) does not cure one's insecurity; it simply fuels the desire to conform to 'the ideal body' even more.

Well, I have very little to complain for. Going through life is like driving in the countryside: the road has bumps, but it also has plenty of good views to enjoy. One last sentence to sum this post up with:

"Dreams are vitamin for the soul."

Good night! (Or rather, good morning ^^)

One day she passed him by
A twinkle in her eye
He said "she was meant for me!"
But when he turned around
He lost what he had found
Oh where can his Lilly be?

Lilly comes when you start to call her
Lilly runs when you look away
Lilly leaves kisses on your collar
Lilly, Lilly, Lilly, Lilly, stay!

He searched the city streets
He tempted her with treats
But nobody stopped to taste them
Some are in his pocket
Some are in a locket
He couldn't bring himself to waste them

Ever since she's gone
Some days he can't go on
She ruined him for another
Pressed up against the glass
He prays that she will pass
Now he's living with his mother

Lilly comes when you start to call her
Lilly runs when you look away
Lilly leaves kisses on your collar
Lilly, Lilly, Lilly, Lilly, stay!

The Way You Look At Me

Went to eat lunch at Garage Cafe today. The meal was reasonably priced and sized, which is good (Gandaria serves meagre portions at prices just under Garage Cafe's.) It was not top-class delicious either, but is good for a student's standards. Happy with it ^o^

Today was my first day playing tambourine again. It was good! ^^ It had been a while since I last practised and 'exercised', hence it felt a bit physical and tiring back then. We tried these new moves... which was hilariously FAST... then I slapped my pinky finger on the tambourine's edge!! Ouch that hurts a lot... and the joint looks like it's swollen now. Blue-ish shadow, really, and doesn't feel nice when pressed. This has happened a good couple of times (luckily not to often), but anyway hopefully it isn't a case of broken bones. Having demented fingers would look sick, I reckon. I won't get into the whole idea of testing of the 'sick finger' look though hahaha...

I also went to check out the umbrella people's H/O down Faraday Street. It was a rather small office, but they have an interesting selection of sample umbrellas there!! Yay!! They all looked cute and/or cool, which made it hard to decide which one to choose from. Unfortunately, the owner guy came into scene and told me I couldn't get any of them away from the H/O regardless of whether I pay for it or not. Company secrets, I guess :p If that didn't work then I might have to convince him by applying for work at his place hahaha... this whole umbrella obsession is getting hilarious by day.

It was weird Pets Paradise no longer stock dog jumpers; the girls in Melbourne Central referred me to Collar and Bone. This other store sells upmarket dog wares and stocks minuscule sizes for pet dogs commonly kept by Asians in apartments... sigh... nothing wearable for Bandit on a daily basis. There were dog back-packs but they would not be comfy enough for him to live in. The buckles, argh!! Just hoping that all these people get their common sense back and realise there are people out there who own Afghan hounds, greyhounds or even a vizla. Hey, a vizla would be cool ^^

The university bookroom stocks these Oxford dictionnaries (20-odd volumes of them) and a shorter version. Well, two is still less than twenty.

Alright, that is it for today. My body's creaking; need to do personal hygiene routine (brush teeth, wash face, put moisturiser... alright, the moisturiser bit is not strictly personal hygiene but still necessary.) Will wake up early tomorrow morning to finish up a mental pile of to-dos. Oh, lastly, I'm adoring this exotic peacock furisode. It's simply spectacular ^o^ but buying a kimono entails other hidden costs too, like buying jyuban, obi, obijime, kanzashi (if I were feeling fancy), tabi, zori and a whole heap of other stuff. And that was not an exhaustive list...

This is not an excuse, but I'm quite proud with my piggy bank, although today's tally was meagre. Dhami's green tea milkshake is turning into one milky slush!! The taste was indiscernible. Mental note: buy green tea milkshake from Samurai instead (which involves a 30-minute trip on foot.)

Going for beauty sleep and dreaming on the furisode hahaha...

'Cause there's something in the way you look at me
It's as if my heart knows you're the missing piece
You made me believe that there's nothing in this world I can't be
I never know what you see
But there's somethin' in the way you look at me

Little by Little

Today was exceptional.

It all started a couple of days ago (was it last week?) Marsha went to sleep at some ungodly hour the previous night, woke up late for class, and was late for the bang-on-time tram service she was supposed to take. Consequently she took a later service and ended up stranded on the Royal Parade roundabout some half-hour after the lecture started - there was no Route 19 trams. After waiting for a good couple of minutes, she decided the sun was not going to make much of an inconvenience given that the tram shelter was made from glass anyway, and left for the main campus block on foot. Not willing to spend an extra minute under the sun, she walked down a sleepy side road, on where she saw a newly-opened restaurant encased by an old (yet renovated) garage. A new one, she thought, which I will pay a visit to if I had the time. She did pay a visit today, and went away with much more in her hands than what she could have imagined a week ago.

A lot of people know I stutter when I talk, accentuated by mumbles and worsened by a breakneck speech speed. Yeah right, tell me I'm a smooth-talking melancholic girl. When I first started working in retail, I had to be shoved onto customers before making any verbal contact with them. Today, I gave a swift look to the restaurant with dilated pupils, an obvious sign I was feeling lost... and downright scared. To cut things short, three hours later I walked away in a daze, trying to replay what had just happened before her eyes. He was with me all the time I was in there.

I am quite concerned with my summer subjects. Even though they are second-year subject and I did well in HRM's first assignment (culminating in the rare occasion of my marks being better than Dd's), it does not guarantee I will get flying colours for the final results. In less than 40 hours two assignments will be due by electronic submission, which saves travelling time but still is not an awful lot of extra time. I am in a state of mental blankness.

Saving money in a piggy bank can be quite enjoyable. I have to admit to enjoying those chink-chink noise when you pop your coins into it. Unfortunately I lost track of where today's remaining coins are, hence I banked very little. Hopefully I won't revert back to the stingy Marsha I used to be when I was little (who had a relatively sizable nest-egg in her piggy bank.) It is quite hard, especially with the greenback's weakness and Apple's latest release: iShuffle. It basically works like an MP3 player/USB pen drive, sans the display and the AAA battery. Its capacity is acceptable at a respectable 1GB (it's also released in a 512MB version.) Alright, enough promotion here.

I was overjoyed at 'getting rid' of Revenge Guy. Well, I was proven wrong - the euphoria was broken by my mobile phone, declaring a message received. Gah .\/. am I being too subtle with the selection of words and my own conduct? No! <6__-;> Stop it!!!

Oh well, I'm going back to my assignment. So unmotivated... but let's get through this anyway!

Little by little, day by day
Little by little, in every way
My Jesus is changing me
As I look upon His face
He is changing me by His grace
My Jesus is changing me

He's changing me, my blessed Saviour
I'm not the same old person that I used to be
Although it's slow going
still, there's knowing
That one day, like Him I shall be.

Officially Missing You

Half of summer semester had just gone past the door.

About the handset, I got a medium to long-term loan for now. Yay, thanks D! ^^ Getting through a day without a mobile phone was quite nerve-wrecking. I had never thought that device would be so indispensible, especially since there was a stage when I shunned the idea of owning one. The next step to think about in this area of communications gadgetry is an upgrade, which narrows my choice to either the web-versatile Nokia 7270 or its analoguous sister Nokia 7280.

On Tuesday afternoon/evening's host training, I met Lujia. We did FA together last semester. She was a bit shocked (confused?) to see me in Melbourne, as she thought I would have proceeded to going overseas and essentially taking a gap year. Yeah, that reminds me of the whole moving-out and Ikea-shopping idea of taking a gap year. In the past three to four months my stance has changed considerably to a pointI was also at a loss of word to explain why I chose to do what I was doing. It was very confusing. It kinda reignited the interest altogether... with the exception of renewing the job-hunting session. I missed the one they held on this January's second weekend since it was interstate and uni was already starting (and packed with activities, too.)

Moving on to the next topic. I feel like an ungrateful, self-interested being. A couple of days ago I was offered a position by proxy to work back home ::points towards the north:: Quite shocking too, to sum it up. The insistence of staying here and studying art makes the whole rationally-thought, five-year life schedule goes awry. There is a sheet of paper on which I drew a vertical dividing line between 'positives' and 'negatives', then labelling the top bit with Melb and the bottom bit Indo. I am not homesick to going home up north, but I couldn't explain my reactions when I had to postpone/delay/turn down the offer. After all these uni offers, nyokap's graciousness towards me taking short courses and job offers, I still feel queasy in making a decision. I have made up my mind, yet at the mention of sweeteners (e.g. job offers) it kicks my sense of security as well. Especially with my dad getting old and no longer fit, it is a nagging question in my mind. Regardless of these, I'm still waiting for my Christmas present. There was an intention to classify it as overdue, but I believe He is always on-time: never too early, never too late. What an ungrateful girl I really am, keep asking for the world and more. Melancholy is still in my blood.

With my piggy bank progress, I make an attempt to drop some spare coins at the end of every day to fill it up with. It is growing slowly. The shopping list index plays a role in managing finances, as well as my sister's remarks that I should buy "only what you want to eat, not what is on sale." Hehehe, that is true.

OK, need to take a shower now, going to church soon. Take care! ^^

All I do is lay around, two years full of tears
From looking at your face all over
Just a week ago you were my baby
Now I don't even know you at all,
I don't know you at all.

Well, I wish that you would call me right now
So that I could get through to you somehow
But I guess it's safe to say, baby
Safe to say that I'm officially missin' you.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Bad things happen. A lot.

Firstly, it's losing some tangibility over sentimental memory. I'm not sure whether I'd get it back at all. Secondly, I kinda lost a lot of my ringtones and accumulated mobile phone reasonably-important junk. Heh. Oh well. At least it gives me a reason to get a new handset :p

It feels like I'm in some sort of thick melancholic cloud lately; sometimes I just want to stop and enjoy the sun. And the wind. Actually, Melbourne Uni doesn't look that bad on a warm summer day. The maple and oak leaves are somewhat inviting to lie under on a lazy afternoon. Then a good literature book or a classical novel on my face... the smell of paper... dozing off... the smell of grass next to my cheeks... and being blanketed by the warmth of the sun.

It could still get better than this, but that was good enough for a start.

There was one and a half jar of nastar fillings in the fridge; it basically consists of fresh pineapple chunks boiled down to a mash/spread consistency in thin sugar syrup. My auntie usually brings bottles of them and makes nastar whenever she's here, but it looks like late last year she didn't do it. Anyway, it's good. I'm glad she brought it with her. I've been digging into the jars for the past couple of days and finished the half-filled one.

About the uni acceptance, I'll take it on this year. I will also do art courses along the way as this is what I really want to do ever since I was little. Even though I tried to ignore what my blood calls me to do, it worked to no avail. Besides, it's like killing a part of yourself - your talent. I really can't hold it back or else I'll go nuts. Well, this kinda makes it clear that the corporate world is very unlikely to be one I will be content to stay in.

About the art courses, I'm thinking of doing textile design. Why textile design when you have the eye to do fashion design? Well, in my opinion a fashion designer needs to know this three things to produce good clothes: how to draw/illustrate, the characteristics of fabrics used, and pattern-making. The first one is pretty much under my hand although it would be good to take a refresher course (my hand is going 'mouldy'.) Pattern-making can be done through CAD, and further fine-tuned by checking it manually. On the other hand, fabrics is like the kind of paints a painter has in her repertoire. If she has a complete range, she can do heaps. If she has a limited range, her options are limited. Well, even though one has a complete range, there are still limitations. The fun begins at breaking those technical limitations, as well as interpreting events that happen in our lives into the designs.

Art, above all, is about how well you can symbolise your experiences into various medias. The characteristic 'pleasant to look at' is certainly not ranked at number one.

This year I need to be more courageous in making decisions.

(And also, relating to the piggy bank, need to save more.)

Found myself thinking and wishful-thinking over times that have gone past. Stupid girl, those times will never come back. If I keep mourning (to put it bluntly) over one thing out of ten that has been lost, then I will lose the chance to seize the other nine. For now let's hope I can score a part-time apprenticeship at Vixen, and at the same time quit working as a salesperson.

Oh well, time to do my case studies. They are lining up >.< better finish them up real soon. Take care, and make your decisions well.

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time, let me kiss you
Then close your eyes and I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to live alone
About the time, that I won't have to say...

Oh, kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go.

Nobody Ever (Only You)

Today we had lunch at Ming (again), the reason being Devi is leaving to work at some other place with an intelligent-sounding job description: macroeconomist. Don't get me wrong; it's good since economists are amongst the people who think the most. And then again, since I'm not inside that particular circle of people, I just read The Economist.

(That was a short commercial break ^^; )

My pariban Edo is staying over for the night, mainly to accompany my grandma. Side note: pariban is a Batak term used to refer one's marriageable cousin (of a different marga/house). Sweet Edo is about 9 years of age ^^ He's really cute and chubby; there is a picture of both of us, taken when he visited Ompung the other week. I also miss Tasia, my tall-as-a-model cousin. It was a surprise to hear her voice change, she sounded like a seventeen-year-old girl over the phone. It is no longer the chirpy tone she used to chatter in. By the way, she is just thirteen years of age and will be graduating from junior high just after her fourteenth birthday. I've been quite insistent in having her come over for Christmas under the pretext of "long time no see, I'm here - come and visit." Hopefully she'll come along this Saturday.

About this blog's shoutbox, I've decided to postpone its installation until I find one that is suitable. Really sorry about that, especially to Tiny and Yaki.

Yesterday I went dancing and was half-unconscious doing the steps. The cause? Backache caused by prolonged sitting on a dodgy chair (see short-sightedness). It boils down to this: do your exercise early in the morning, or do not tire yourself too much while working if you want to exercise in the afternoon. Being half unconscious (yet totally sober) while doing dance steps are really bad since you pose some health risks for your dancing partner and yourself i.e. stepping on his/her feet, being stepped onto, bumping or being bumped, and having to repeat the same moves a good couple of times. It makes the whole exercise less effective. Nevertheless, I had a good time learning, and the reversible skirt helps give that peripheral effect of dancing the stress away in Spain ^^

There has been a marked and rapid decrease in my appetite. I still feel hungry but just lost the willingness to eat. It's simply weird.

Looking forward to the dayoff on Friday. I'm in a state of financial near-bankruptcy, and going out on Friday would not help much to it. Just so happy that I will have a free 16-hour slot to catch up with rest and life. Oops, the F button on my laptop is somewhat unhinged. Looking forward to come home and fondle satin ribbons. Looking forward to toss Brownie at home. Looking forward for the day to be courageously honest to come.

Living here, for now, somewhat feels like being in a gilded cage.

I've never felt before this kind of freedom
like a child dancing in the rain
I didn't even know that I was locked inside a prison
and only You could break me from my chains

No-one but You knew where to find me
You gave me life I never had before

Nobody ever loves the way that You love me
Nobody ever saw what You brought alive in me
Nobody ever knew how lost I was without You
Nobody ever, only You.