Sunday, May 01, 2005

Only Hope

I feel destructive. It feels like, there are so much things I need to get off myself I need to douse myself in some violence in order to dissipate energies generated by anger. My goodness, I admit feeling like ripping necks off people. It's good I don't have combat-themed video games around, or else I would be more motivated to bring the idea into reality.

By the way, do you know that directors are aptly referred to as "realisateurs" in French? They brought ideas into life through the screen; in other words, they realise imaginations into movies.

Things are improving marks-wise for the LLB studies... I'm trying to stick the topics into my brain even though it's hard to do so... I feel indifferent towards it... it's actually better to feel plain like/hate towards the area of study because you can easily determine what you will do. You tend to get carried away or unmoved/uninspired when you feel indifferent. I wish more liking/hating can be found so that I can make a firm decision.

One of the things that console me is dancing. As many friends would have noticed, dancing heals and brings out the real me. The other is PK. It's when I can go berserk (as well as when dancing). Well, I go berserk pretty much every second minute but these berserk-y scenes tend to happen at the back of my mind and unseen by the general population. Close friends have the pleasure (discomfort? :p) of witnessing these moments, and I guess these are what make them true friends. I really thank people who let me go berserk around them because they are simply great people! Not for the fact that they are my friends, but rather for their sacrifice of comfort. Thank you lots and lots and lots...

Today I had flashbacks about the place where I grew up. The lake, the sports centre, the kiosk opposite the house I lived in, next-door neighbours, places of worship, tree-lined streets, fly-invested communal bins, muddy alleyways, where my dog was buried... by the way, I just remembered that I played NFS2 a lot back in junior high, when the PC allocated to me had a RAM of 32MB after being updated one Saturday afternoon. Now, even 256MB of RAM doesn't seem to be enough ^.^;

I also went out with my cousins (and one guy PDKT-ing my cousin) for dinner in relation to a birthday. I ate a lot till it feels like I'm bursting at seams. The food was good, though, and I got to eat barramundi as well ^o^ yaaaay! We also took some VERY candid shots in the restaurant. I wondered why the manager did not attempt to kick us out. My goodness...

Alright, that's all for now, it's time to get back to the books. The LLB program is an important leverage for me, although I wish for things to be much simpler than what they are like now. Also saving up for an overlocker, it's much needed and long overdue! .\/.

Take care!

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again
When it feels like my dream is so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope.

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