Thursday, November 18, 2004

If You Believe

Today, something hits me.

Approximately since my last birthday I have not seen Brunetti's at Law School sell bignes, let alone chocolate bignes. (Technical note: a bigne is something that looks like a huge round profiterole and is filled with custard; in this case chocolate bignes are filled with chocolate-flavoured custard.)

I used to see them lined up behind the glass cabinet, so invitingly irresistable even when the air around them is temperated to around four degrees Celsius. Usually there was a selection between chocolate and plain-flavoured custards. Used to buy one, two, or sometimes three of them on Wednesday. If it was a good week, I would come over on a Monday as well to spend my uni break on it.

To be honest, 2003 was a good year for me. One thing fell in line after another: good marks, good friends, good hearts, a bit of travel, new responsibilities. Somehow this started to wane in the second semester. I honestly have no idea on what caused it; but one thing for sure is I want to break off the patterns of mediocre marks and little progress.

I may have been too comfortable in my own skin and turned complacent. I think that may be the true catalyst behind all these not-so-sweet experiences (instead of trying to simulate 2003's first semester success: the day-offs, the light part-time work, the lack of manga.) Thinking of going away to some faraway places in the middle of nowhere and slapping myself back to reality. I fell in love with Melbourne when I was twelve and grew up to really love it in the years to follow. Sure, the city's rather flat at night (compared to other international cities' hustle and bustle that goes even well past 9PM), but it has an ambiance that I was sure has been beating in my heart for long. Cutting the romantic advertising bluff, this is a city where I feel I belong. On the other hand, I may have been way too complacent for my own goodness sake I need to slap myself back into place by going on a year-long ministry trip. Even now, at imagining the trip's prospects, I already wince at what I will be facing. Prior to that, I also have some scores to settle before the year ends.

If you believe that dreams come true
there's one that's waiting there for you

-- hopefully that one dream would not come true.

I will be leaving next week and hence must pick up my ticket tomorrow (haven't paid airport tax.) It's a good thing the internship pays only so much money; if I was here I would be pitying my plastic after Boxing Day sale's heyday. Minus any roaming costs, I'm guessing that this month's mobile bill should be modest (amen!) There is a huge tab to be picked up sometime soon, and I will have to be swift and careful when asking them to pay me back on their things. Then there is Singapore's duty-free, Christmas presents and all. I really want to give my family something good this year but I don't know what I should get them. Thinking of getting my sister's birthstone, a good accessory or two for my parents, Koko Black for my grandma, and Cadbury for everybody else back home (the shortlist does become pricey.)

Today I went to IKEA with my mom and my auntie. We were there to look for tables, chairs and beds (i.e. furniture) for the house on Kanooka. The whole place was engaging and looked more like a playground filled with sample bedrooms, sample living rooms and sample bathrooms. The rocking chair made of lacquered bamboo leaves was so fun! ^^ Brings back memories from childhood. They even mentioned that rocking is supposedly good for your body posture and balance ^^ Never heard of it, but might spare some break on to checking this. If it is true, it's good...

Got some chance to talk to my cousin who is overseas. I'll be working in the same office as he was, but probably on a different division. I'll try my chance at EM (because he said there would be a lot of expats and I'd have a better chance to be fast-tracked through my English that way.) I really don't know where I am heading. Hoping for the January interview to be well (that is yet another matter to settle promptly after Dec 3's occasion!) Hoping to know clearly what I am purposedly meant to do in this world, in my life.

I'll get back to the readings summary that I was doing. I am slacking off too much I even forgot what day of the week it was. The exam is still one week away but I won't be put off by it, especially since I will be accompanying my cousin go shopping on Tuesday. This implies exam materials have to be done by Monday. Up to week 4 and there are some 20-odd papers to summarise.

Alright, take care and see you soon. Enjoy your break if you already are in one. Use it productively. Learn new things like dancing, woodwork, art or whatever productive activity you please while you have the time. It really is precious, and once you are being thrown into the chaos of working full-time you need a will stronger than adamantine to make it work for you. I will take up life-drawing next year.

There is nothing in the world that cannot be
if you believe...

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