(shill bidding)

I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate shill bidding.

Many would've known my favourite pastime when a broadband connection is available: online shopping, eBay in particular. There was one thing I desperately wanted to buy, but was outbidded by someone else at the last moment. I suspected the seller setting up fake accounts to increase the final price, but suspicion without proof beyond all reasonable doubt isn't much at all. The fake account was new, created just around the time of listing, and had the same area code. Anyways. I saw the very item being listed again tonight. Yes, you heard me right, the same item. AGAIN.

I'll be betting on my chances whether I would still be able to buy the item or not, if the seller account is suspended. I will report the case anyway, even though the bidding had been closed. Hopefully the seller's not going to play dirty, and that I would win the item this time around... hopefully.

Anyway, end of blab. Back to research now.

I'm All Yours

Weird things happen.

Everybody pretty much knew my computer was spewing up for the past couple of days. Starting with a malfunctioning mouse (quickly sorted by a soft-loan from my sister), a malfunctioning ADSL router (dropping the connection every half-hour and hence requiring resets), et la pièce de résistance: a dysfunctional, out-of-frequency computer screen. What the heck.

What made things worse were:
1. Because the screen was completely out of frequency, it was impossible to even switch into Safety Mode since the notification came out before the RAM was completely checked. Hence no possibility of backing up data.
2. Research and projects were stalled (yes, they will be resumed Monday evening.)
3. Time was running out for the projects to be finished.
The fact that my computer now is fully functioning (albeit with a minor delay in displays when typing) is a wonder.

"Packing suitcases" is also a prickly issue with me at the moment. I might get a bit excited laying my hands on a return ticket and decide to bring the bare minimum with me. I would like to have an optimistic outlook on my trip, but I'm also afraid of being overconfident on my chances to use the return ticket. I don't know what to expect anymore... apart from bad postal services, high humidity, ever-present pollution and the absence of Borders bookstores (damn.) It'll be freaking expensive to lay a hand on import illustration books.

Four more days to the big two-one. Not hating it, not loving it, and not so indifferent about it. I'm excited to hold a barbecue, mindful about the bills, and nervy on the prospects of being lugged involuntarily into a pool. Food for eleven, minus soda drinks.

Eight more days to the P-plater driving test. Need to learn parallel parking >.<>

Nine more days to the last viable chance of dancing openly. Sigh.

Ten more days to departure. Definitely not liking it. Trying furiously to snap pictures and stock up on things such as Aesop skincare, Aroma M perfumes, L'Epicier teas, illustration books and... more shopping. OK, this isn't going anywhere productive. Deciding on whether I should lug the digicam and its tidbits along. Deciding on whether I should bring any souvenirs (after all, I've been back here and there so many times I run out of ideas - and funds - on what to get for them.)

Reminder on exams: bad, BAD, BAD girl. Go back to study! Do you want to get a shot at design or not?! .\\//.

Okay, that's all for now. Back to cramming my head into law textbooks. Will need to teach in about nine hours (at most three more sessions to go, bear it up...)

If I fix my eyes on You
will You show me what to do?
I'll lay down my sorrows
I'm all Yours

If I could make the world
fade away for just a moment
to be alone with You...
too many voices, too many noises
too many choices...
why can't it be just You and me?

Lead Me

My mouse hasn't been functioning properly for the past couple of days. Let alone blogging, even simple tasks like replying e-mails and saving pictures become time-wasting chores of continuously pressing the Tab button... and yet again, if I missed the link. GAH .\/.; Please thank my sister for her generous contribution (soft-loan?) of a wireless mouse, otherwise there would be little work accomplished today.

It's quite certain, where I'll be heading for the next couple of months. Last month I would have not the slightest idea it would be happening. I hate to say that, although it is true, circumstances only add more reasons of going.

What about returning? All I can say is "I bought a return ticket, don't worry."

Weirdly enough, I was not as much concerned about the P.R. as I thought I would/should be. When the first appeal was submitted two months ago, I was jittery and almost scared to death. I am still jittery, but not as worried nowadays. Is it because of nonchalance, desensitisation or plain feeling of reassurance? Is it because that now I have graduated and got an Accounting/Finance-related degree, applying for P.R. is virtually a formality to have it offered to me?

I am scared of going and not returning; of going and losing my sights on what I chase (yet again.) I feel like a fish out of water, and I will feel like one for a long period of time. It seems like I will be a gaijin wherever I go. It is good in some ways, but not a soothing point when one craves for security.

Well, I am a gaijin.

I will miss Bandit more than ever. He seems to get the idea that I will be away for a long time, and his face shows he didn't like it at all. To be honest, I am more worried about leaving him rather than studying for the exam. How twisted is that >.<>

Lack of physical (and mental) exercise is also an issue related to the departure, but I will not elaborate on this.

Aaargh, I feel tired and bewildered. Managed to wake up at approximately 8AM in the morning for the past week or two, but found falling asleep hard to induce. Sometimes I think whether my goals are worth the challenge, or whether I am chasing after an illusory promise. It is hard to see everything laid out on a written plan right now.

I went to an interview on Friday. The interviewer effectively intimidated me (whether he realised it or not) and it worked well enough I gave him a lot of stuttered responses. My goodness, as if I remember everything bad that happens in life to me! I am not a believer in the "forgive and forget" rule, but I don't think one would continuously curse others for a wrongdoing committed to him/her in the [distant] past. But then, if everybody think this way, there would be no Romeo and Juliet.

I'm also in desperate need of a facial - got this really annoying zit on my face! It hurts and is probably migrating to the other side of my chin (touch wood - hopefully not), so I've been trying to eke it out. Been trying and now has been entertaining the notion of slicing open my zit and using a pair of forceps to pull it out. I'm no gory person but yes, this is one of the probable solutions I have in mind. Can't squeeze it out, can't poke it open, so I simply must wait... x__x; great.

Lastly, I read earlier this evening/dawn (while on a midnight snacking session) about this new shop in Malvern called Serum. It's interesting how they stock Aroma M's Geisha line of perfume oils; and it's interesting to see this line will become a cult hit within a couple of months, the way Kai perfume oil was earlier this year. It's interesting, too, how things change and how one predicts where the general mood and social sentiment is heading. Gincu, if you're reading this, it means the perfume I wore to So7 concert is now available for retail in Australia ^.^

Alright, enough blab. Now let's get back to MLL110. If you're facing an examination, good. It gives you some credible reasons to bear with a little bit of mess in your room ^.^; Take care!

Lord, every circumstance falls in Your hands; You make a way
Right before my eyes to see - You're the path in front of me, so...
Lead me, I'll follow wherever you go...

Hanya Karena Cinta

My auntie's here for the month or two. Or three. Well, anyway, the point is:
1. Since my bed mate is here, I should sleep with more consideration of the body lugged next to me, set for rest to relieve a day's hard work (in the kitchen.)
2. This implies I am well-fed, and consequently growing my girth. I am hoping this trend will prove to be not exponential and reversible in the near future. Not because I'm bulimic or anorexic, but just because I need to watch what I eat given inherited medical conditions.

That's pretty much all... probably.

I'm trying to crash myself into the LLB course, nine weeks into the semester. At the same time, I'm crashing myself into building a respectable portfolio of a high [academic] quality, and crashing myself into churning out workable solutions for practical problems. You get the theme: crashing oneself into tasks, foaming at mouth and banging one's head against the wall in order to get inspiration. Well, not strictly to get some inspiration, but to make the stress pale in comparison to physical pain.

(Then again, I don't bang my head against the wall as a matter of habit, it was a hyperbole... and the walls at home are made from weatherboard.)

Today/Monday was spent rather productively. I churned out several silhouettes, some dug out from previous sketches. What comes to mind next is how to digress these ideas into patterns. I had a look on a website article detailing on bias-cutting (and learnt some valuable lessons on glovemaking), but still lacking in practise. I don't know how to work the prevalent theme as they are quite diverse in nature. They borrow, to some extent, from Vionnet to nautical objects, to countryside living, to Victorian upper-stiff-lippedness, to Balenciaga's fifties volume, to eighteenth-century culottes, to furisodes. They are pretty diverse I believe. I'll photocopy them, and stuff the originals into the portfolio book. The photocopies will be coloured... if I can find decent watercolour brushes at home :p

The house managed to trick Poink today. It involved no water, flour or rotten eggs of any sort. Just pure tricks, and collaboration with Bandit. It was different and bland in comparison to markedly surprising tricks I have come across in the past, but it caught her off-guard nonetheless.

Alright, that's all. I'm not sleep-deprived but I do need some beauty sleep ^.^ I'll leave you with my inspiration song for the moment. Take care!

Apa tersimpan makna atas cinta
Satu kata hati yang tak bisa memilih
Mengapa kita bersama
Tak ku mengerti

Apa tersimpan makna atas cinta
Mampukah kita hapuskan angan-angan
Mampukan kunanti satu tak pasti
Tentang cinta ini

Katakan padaku, sayang...
Jujurkah kau ingin pergi?
Satu pintu kan kuberi
Hanya tak ingin lagi kau kembali

Hanya karena cinta, damai kan kuberi
Hanya karena cinta, maaf kan kuberi
Hanya karena cinta, mungkin kau kembali
Pantaskah dirimu kembali
Selamanya

Only Hope

I feel destructive. It feels like, there are so much things I need to get off myself I need to douse myself in some violence in order to dissipate energies generated by anger. My goodness, I admit feeling like ripping necks off people. It's good I don't have combat-themed video games around, or else I would be more motivated to bring the idea into reality.

By the way, do you know that directors are aptly referred to as "realisateurs" in French? They brought ideas into life through the screen; in other words, they realise imaginations into movies.

Things are improving marks-wise for the LLB studies... I'm trying to stick the topics into my brain even though it's hard to do so... I feel indifferent towards it... it's actually better to feel plain like/hate towards the area of study because you can easily determine what you will do. You tend to get carried away or unmoved/uninspired when you feel indifferent. I wish more liking/hating can be found so that I can make a firm decision.

One of the things that console me is dancing. As many friends would have noticed, dancing heals and brings out the real me. The other is PK. It's when I can go berserk (as well as when dancing). Well, I go berserk pretty much every second minute but these berserk-y scenes tend to happen at the back of my mind and unseen by the general population. Close friends have the pleasure (discomfort? :p) of witnessing these moments, and I guess these are what make them true friends. I really thank people who let me go berserk around them because they are simply great people! Not for the fact that they are my friends, but rather for their sacrifice of comfort. Thank you lots and lots and lots...

Today I had flashbacks about the place where I grew up. The lake, the sports centre, the kiosk opposite the house I lived in, next-door neighbours, places of worship, tree-lined streets, fly-invested communal bins, muddy alleyways, where my dog was buried... by the way, I just remembered that I played NFS2 a lot back in junior high, when the PC allocated to me had a RAM of 32MB after being updated one Saturday afternoon. Now, even 256MB of RAM doesn't seem to be enough ^.^;

I also went out with my cousins (and one guy PDKT-ing my cousin) for dinner in relation to a birthday. I ate a lot till it feels like I'm bursting at seams. The food was good, though, and I got to eat barramundi as well ^o^ yaaaay! We also took some VERY candid shots in the restaurant. I wondered why the manager did not attempt to kick us out. My goodness...

Alright, that's all for now, it's time to get back to the books. The LLB program is an important leverage for me, although I wish for things to be much simpler than what they are like now. Also saving up for an overlocker, it's much needed and long overdue! .\/.

Take care!

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again
When it feels like my dream is so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope.