(caveat emptor)

Just went through a Google search for hydroquinone. This material is widely used in all sorts of things, and particularly in topical skin lighteners. Just to clarify some things, I've included several links to clarify what this substance really is. Here's link #1, link #2 and link #3 (you can also ask Mr. Google for more information.) Hope this helps those who are about to buy their skin lightener/brightener make the right decision.

To be honest, I cringed when I heard one TV ad says, "this product contains 2% hydroquinone to effectively lighten your skin". Growing up reading ingredients list labelled on the back of skincare/cosmetics products, listening to that phrase spoken to aspiring ladies out there made me shiver at how greedy all these producers are: luring them to buy their products with a sweet promise of clearer, lighter-toned skin. Once the products are bought and the money flows, it became of no concern to these producers that these ladies are in considerable health risk. I don't know whether it's their ignorance or their unwillingness to research for the best that makes them to resort to such actions. The fact that not a lot of people actually read labels off adds to the potential time-bomb of mutations and carcinogenic reactions.

And what about me now? As usual, feeling sweaty. It had just begun raining a couple of minutes ago. Practically this is my second last day of vacation before work starts on Wednesday. Yesterday the whole family went to Mango Two on a shopping trip; I got a suit. Anyway, it was surprising to see how big the whole place is right now, as compared to years ago. For today, me and Poink are going to Monalisa, to Freeze Frame (I wish there'd be no blotchy makeup job later on), and to the dentist's (I actually love going there ^^) Oh yeah, Michael is coming tomorrow, and tomorrow is also Irene's birthday... just an early note, happy birthday Irene! ^^ As for my mental note, I'm learning to contain myself while being ignored. Heheheheh...

Alright, that's just about everything. Take care and see you around! ^^

What About Me

It's good, I managed to have a safe touchdown and some pretty interesting episodes of my life in the past couple of days.

Let's begin with the day trip in Singapore. Went to see Yosh and had a good chat with her (apart from the part that she's a heavy smoker >.<) That part went on well, and we had a good conversation. She was actually really open in terms of the way she thinks and reacts to things around her. I was actually relieved to hear that the Tokyo office actually recruits English-speaking graduates to work as a language editor up there. Apart from that, bringing a small bottle of whiskey proved to be a good strategic move as she was able to put it in her bag. It would be hard to conceal a 1L bottle, and most likely most people in her office would assume she's a midday drinker! She drinks, but not when the sun is up. Plus I was so shocked to hear first-hand that in Singapore the Government directly manages how its people behave by levying high tax rates on articles such as alcoholic drinks. Gee, it goes a long way doesn't it.

Secondly, I went to meet Jojo in Orchard. Actually felt really bad with the fact that she had to take taxi (as opposed to MRT) to go to the meeting, especially that it is so expensive. Then she made me be paid for lunch (ouch! >.<) We talked about a lot of things, especially with how we are coping with our lives. I really miss her, and I just hope that despite the fact that her environment is not supportive of her faith, she continues to keep holding on.

Thirdly, I got this really bad case of rashes on my body. The areas mainly affected are the torso and the back. Went to see a doctor in Singapore and got some medications too (I got to a point where I scratched my skin with my nails because it was so hot and itchy to touch.) When I got home and thoroughly checked it out, I looked like some boiled crab...

For that one, I hope it was only a bad case of weather/climate change.

Lastly, I've been thinking about this supposed five-year period that I have left. I've got plans to go abroad and do some island-hopping before settling down. Vivin and CIpi's wedding triggered some sort of chain reaction that prompts some girls thinking about that part of their life. Honestly, I am more scared ending up with the wrong person and/or at the wrong time rather than not getting married at all. You see, we've got this biological clock ticking on top of our head. Nowadays even my grandma has started talking about it. I've been wearing a Russian band on my hand to keep myself relatively free of harasses. OK (this is a distantly related topic), just earlier today we went to church and socialised with some people afterwards. When they shook my hand I realised that the ring kinda squeezed my finger and to some extent it was uncomfortable. In some sense, a marriage is not about looking 'bling and glam' for the rest of your life; it protects you although sometimes it hurts to be in it (the same way I feel about my Russian band.) I need nerves of steel, self-restraint and a calm composure to get through it, especially remembering about that guy who is yet to reveal himself. I wonder if he is reading my blog. Probably later on (as in "in the years to come") we're gonna laugh on top of our lungs about how impatient and childish we were when we were young, when we recall that everything we experience was actually worth the price paid.

Alright, enough blab to keep you going. I'm moving next door to the air-conditionned room before the rash breaks out (need to take my medications too.) Take care, and see you around ^^

What about me?

I Quit!

Please let me go off the hook (in terms of naming conventions.)

I had probably one of my worst "you have to wait for more" episodes yesterday. Got to the airport by 8PM for a flight 50mins past midnight, which is really early by any standard. Waited for two hours for the counter to open. Being thrown around from the check-in counter lady after everything is almost done through, to the clueless service desk guy, to another service desk lady who really took her time to change my ticket. And she told me to go back to the beginning of the queue, which now has expanded and flowed out of those separator lines!

I seriously got fits and was like a walking pot of plutonium-232 last night. It's really bad and I wish it has never happened. The bad thing is, I tried consoling myself by swiping my CC (the perfume's way cheaper in Duty Free, and Tullamarine now has a TGI Friday inside international departure terminal - went in for an Ultimate Mudslide, finished it within less than 5mins and got a brain freeze.) The good thing is, I felt really tired and got a lot of sleep along the way, which is good considering the amount of sleep I've had in the past 72 hours or so. And I didn't miss any of the meals ^^

Now about to go around Changi for window shopping; then going to Raffles Place, Orchard Rd and NUS. It's good they have some free internet terminals lying around the airport. Most of the things here are still closed anyway. One bad thing is, I started itching my back just around the time I start doing this blog (great.) Don't know what causes it, it's REALLY bad and I hope it's just mild weather change reaction. Hopefully it's not mosquitoes! >.<

Really sorry about not including any song lyrics. All I remember from this song is the impression that the singer was really annoyed (upset? angry?) about something and she kept screaming I Quit, I Quit in chorus. Aaaanyway, my back's getting worse, need to go and check it out. Take care ^^

(snip snip)

Nothing much, nothing special...

...yeah right. Probably not. Hrmh... I don't know. Going to have a haircut tomorrow. My hair's getting really long, and although I'm not annoyed at it, tropical practicality on humidity (as well as avoiding potential BHDs from getting it done back there) will probably be offered as a logical explanation. No, I'm not ditching or being ditched by anyone, which is the manga-world requirement in necessitating a haircut. Won't resort to extreme crops as well (the neck will be itchy!)

Got my kanzashi book. It turns out to be quite simple technique-wise, but who knows. The illustration is quite self-explanatory, so it didn't prove to be a waste even though I understand zero Japanese - translating hiragana to Roman alphabets gives some readability but not automatic comprehension. Still waiting on the slides. The slides!! Argh... hopefully it gets here tomorrow afternoon, or else.

Haven't finished packing, and haven't gone out anywhere in the past 22hrs or so (not even to check the mailbox), hence the clothes are still at the dry-cleaners. Been doing a lot of manual laundry lately because the weather has been so good to put the tumble dryer into rest in the past few days, and will continue to do so through the weekend. Lucky I will be escaping the 32 degrees heat... but will get hit by the humidity on Friday. It's an equal trade :p

Need to clean up my room after this. OK, I'm getting back to doing sample exam questions.

To Where You Are

Ah, summer is mixed blessing. The MKB syndrome is settling back in (bless'd are those whose nose is clogged.) It always comes back in summer, no matter how hard I try to get rid of it. And Poss, as I've told you before, the flower-infused water dip does not work.

I'm about halfway through packing my things for the month-long internship (the exam, at this stage, just skims through my brain.) There are still some clothing to be taken from the dry-cleaners, and some will be taken along as well. The deal looked like I'm going back for good, with between a quarter to a third of my wearable wardrobe going straight into the suitcase. Most of the jackets will be going, as well as half the pairs of shoes. The prospect of filling my suitcase to the brim with new goodies/spoils looks a bit brim. It's time to start corporate-dressing, I suppose :p

I really don't have an idea of how things will turn out once this interview starts. Where I will live and pretty much all that hangs upon the idea of how acceptable this "little corporate work" will end up being. Feeling queasy the same way I feel butterflies in my tummy whenever I'm about to give my uni results a check. It looks grim. I myself wonder how long my individuality will last; how long it will be turned into a trend, or how long I will stay in the office before getting kicked out because of it.

I was talking to Tata earlier. She's WO from CrimsonLunacy. We stick together, especially when we were in primary school. Anyway, it was fun to see that she was actually surprised (froze?) when I introduced the idea of married students' arrangement. It was very, very fun ^^

When I was walking Bandit yesterday, I thought that it actually is a privilege to raise up a creature (despite the fact it is a dog), and to relinquish many memories that actually strengthen myself. This is probably one of the few occasions (the first?) for me looking forward to going back during the holidays. I'm also starting to enjoy the afternoon walk despite the fact it is really tiring. When Bandit's on the loose, I run like hell to catch him.

Seriously, I should really really think about doing well in my exam for now... and since it's almost 7PM, I better take Bandit for a walk. Cheers ^^

Fly me up to where you are,
beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight to see you smile
If only for a while to know you're there
A breath away's not far...
to where you are

I Like Bananas

The monkey family would be so familiar to this song. Bananas, bananas... to be honest, eating ripe mangoes in the middle of spring is actually very very good! As with previous springs, the nap quality's good as well.

We overdid the nap: me and my mum. I just woke up some 20-odd minutes ago, woken up by that "it's slightly too bright for 7:30 in the afternoon" feeling, and realised that we were supposed to be up by 5:30 and have an afternoon walk with the dog. My watch's off as well - in the sense that it needs a new battery. I'm not trying to blame anything other than me and my lazy head on overdoing the nap. My mum is still doing it though, and she needs a lot of rest while she's here, so let's leave her as she is.

Well, just want to drop some lines on the song; it was a favourite at PeKa. I don't know whether there is an MP3 of it lying around somewhere in the webspace. Please tell me if you find one. It's a never-ending song. If you know the song, please sing it! Anyway, here it goes. Take care!

I like bananas
I know that mangoes are sweet
I like papayas (PAPAYAS!)
but nothing can beat
the sweet love of God

Well, I was walking 'round a circle five miles an hour
Tryin' to find my way back to the Heavenly father
The world tasted sweet but soon it turned sour
and then I let God in and receive His power
(one, two three!)

Me and My Shadow

Couldn't sleep well last night. The only thing that I could remember was listening to No Greater Love for some 30+ minutes, falling asleep, and waking up again in the middle of the night with the MP3 player still switched on and plugged to my ears. Then spending the next hour or so trying to doze myself to sleep, to no avail. (Technical note: my watch was perpetually 'broken' hence the inaccurate description of time, and Duracell batteries prove to perform as well as e2 ones.)

If possible, I'd like to feel a bit merry today (which explains the blog title selection.) The song is an all-rounder and has a great ambience, despite the fact that it was sung by Robbie Williams.

Everybody's doing their things (my mum's out to see auctions, my auntie tagging her along, my cousin reading manga, Kyuu's out to the City), so this is quite a privilege to have no-one watching my back while I'm blogging. Let's blog.

Firstly, I managed to put another drawing to the Black notebook. Managed to draw a pivotal character but my eyes are still confused as to which lines/shadings were supposed to highlight or to shadow. Drawing with light grey graphite pencil is somewhat hard but fun and challenging as well (the grey colour is somewhat similar to the colour of the blog's font.) I might come up with a skin design in a week or two. Compared with mainstream shoujo manga styles, mine sure is dark. It somehow looks older than the archetypal sixteen-year-old, Bambi-eyed girls we are getting used to see in shoujo manga (something in the line of Bleach's shinigami.) The character is either in her late teens or early twenties (my age!), rather serious and old-fashioned, and have sharp eyes. She's had some share of life's ups and downs, and knows some sweet things can go fatally wrong and turn bitter. She might have a sharp tongue as well ^^; and she better not be a copy of me (although the dark ambience is sure a refreshing change.) I'm not sure whether she'll be the protagonist or the antagonist, but whichever way she goes she'll be a well-rounded character. As in the sense of being a normal person with a stance on how she sees the world goes. Probably the only thing that will be of significant difference between the protagonist and the antagonist is their differing degrees of "I-want-to-please-others" attitude. Taking the phrase from the movie The In-Laws, one will be the bride and the other one will be the bridesmaid.

(OK, that's my Imagine Cup notes.)

Secondly, just mentioning today I've had enough calcium in my tummy. Had a bowl of cereals topped with milk to the brim, and a huge mug of chocolate milk. Bid osteoroposis good-bye, for now ^^

(Feeling so playful now, am I not?)

Thirdly, I miss New Zealand. Listening to songs from Swing When You're Winning brings back memories from the trip. Probably I'll try whisking myself off to South Island in two to five years (provided I can save up enough for the trip.) And I'll make sure I go to Orepuki this time around ^^ Somehow, I remember Muja's expression whenever I recall Orepuki. Ah, travel travel travel. So yearned for yet so expensive!! (Poor plastics...)

Finally, I also noted the 'third blog post' phenomenon. It's mostly related to blogs that have got comments... have a check if you don't mind. Feel free dropping your comments if you have any; they will certainly be read. I appreciate your comments! Hate-message or ad comments will probably be read with a cynical eye :p

I don't know what will become of my kanzashi book. I pray it gets here on time, before I leave for Jakarta. Otherwise the book will be of little use, since it'll be of most use during the vacation: to be read over and over, to be imagined, to be drooled over etc. The doing part usually comes about during June to August each year. Plus it needs to be translated from Japanese to either English or Indonesian. (Hopefully the diagrams prove to be useful.)

Now it's time to get back to study. Got half a subject to finish. Take care!

Before we get finished, we'll make the town roar
We'll hit all the late spots, and then a few more
We'll wind up at Stringy's and maybe Gratchell
Life is gonna be we-wow-whee!
for my shadow and me~

(on acting sweet)

I'm hoping I will not force myself to conform to some standards in order to be seen as okay. I'm hoping my true characters show through, whether it be sweet or displeasing to the eye.

Although acting [professionally/cutely/sickeningly/disgustingly] sweet is like my second skin, I am not a sweet girl at heart (thanks, Baku.) It's easier for me to give a sharp and acidic reply.

God help me go through this...

If You Believe

Today, something hits me.

Approximately since my last birthday I have not seen Brunetti's at Law School sell bignes, let alone chocolate bignes. (Technical note: a bigne is something that looks like a huge round profiterole and is filled with custard; in this case chocolate bignes are filled with chocolate-flavoured custard.)

I used to see them lined up behind the glass cabinet, so invitingly irresistable even when the air around them is temperated to around four degrees Celsius. Usually there was a selection between chocolate and plain-flavoured custards. Used to buy one, two, or sometimes three of them on Wednesday. If it was a good week, I would come over on a Monday as well to spend my uni break on it.

To be honest, 2003 was a good year for me. One thing fell in line after another: good marks, good friends, good hearts, a bit of travel, new responsibilities. Somehow this started to wane in the second semester. I honestly have no idea on what caused it; but one thing for sure is I want to break off the patterns of mediocre marks and little progress.

I may have been too comfortable in my own skin and turned complacent. I think that may be the true catalyst behind all these not-so-sweet experiences (instead of trying to simulate 2003's first semester success: the day-offs, the light part-time work, the lack of manga.) Thinking of going away to some faraway places in the middle of nowhere and slapping myself back to reality. I fell in love with Melbourne when I was twelve and grew up to really love it in the years to follow. Sure, the city's rather flat at night (compared to other international cities' hustle and bustle that goes even well past 9PM), but it has an ambiance that I was sure has been beating in my heart for long. Cutting the romantic advertising bluff, this is a city where I feel I belong. On the other hand, I may have been way too complacent for my own goodness sake I need to slap myself back into place by going on a year-long ministry trip. Even now, at imagining the trip's prospects, I already wince at what I will be facing. Prior to that, I also have some scores to settle before the year ends.

If you believe that dreams come true
there's one that's waiting there for you
-- hopefully that one dream would not come true.

I will be leaving next week and hence must pick up my ticket tomorrow (haven't paid airport tax.) It's a good thing the internship pays only so much money; if I was here I would be pitying my plastic after Boxing Day sale's heyday. Minus any roaming costs, I'm guessing that this month's mobile bill should be modest (amen!) There is a huge tab to be picked up sometime soon, and I will have to be swift and careful when asking them to pay me back on their things. Then there is Singapore's duty-free, Christmas presents and all. I really want to give my family something good this year but I don't know what I should get them. Thinking of getting my sister's birthstone, a good accessory or two for my parents, Koko Black for my grandma, and Cadbury for everybody else back home (the shortlist does become pricey.)

Today I went to IKEA with my mom and my auntie. We were there to look for tables, chairs and beds (i.e. furniture) for the house on Kanooka. The whole place was engaging and looked more like a playground filled with sample bedrooms, sample living rooms and sample bathrooms. The rocking chair made of lacquered bamboo leaves was so fun! ^^ Brings back memories from childhood. They even mentioned that rocking is supposedly good for your body posture and balance ^^ Never heard of it, but might spare some break on to checking this. If it is true, it's good...

Got some chance to talk to my cousin who is overseas. I'll be working in the same office as he was, but probably on a different division. I'll try my chance at EM (because he said there would be a lot of expats and I'd have a better chance to be fast-tracked through my English that way.) I really don't know where I am heading. Hoping for the January interview to be well (that is yet another matter to settle promptly after Dec 3's occasion!) Hoping to know clearly what I am purposedly meant to do in this world, in my life.

I'll get back to the readings summary that I was doing. I am slacking off too much I even forgot what day of the week it was. The exam is still one week away but I won't be put off by it, especially since I will be accompanying my cousin go shopping on Tuesday. This implies exam materials have to be done by Monday. Up to week 4 and there are some 20-odd papers to summarise.

Alright, take care and see you soon. Enjoy your break if you already are in one. Use it productively. Learn new things like dancing, woodwork, art or whatever productive activity you please while you have the time. It really is precious, and once you are being thrown into the chaos of working full-time you need a will stronger than adamantine to make it work for you. I will take up life-drawing next year.

There is nothing in the world that cannot be
if you believe...

Fields of Mercy

My exam wasn't spectacular, but it wasn't tragic either. I'm just praying for a good mark. (Thanks, God ^^)

I'm trying to do this Imagine Cup 2005 thing. Why bother pouring twenty hours on a storyboard, sixty on preparing for Round 2 and even more for props? Why did I even think about it when I've got next-to-nothing knowledge on the techicalities?

Remember where I previously mentioned the need to learn manga-making? The reason is, there is a story that yearns to be told. It beats so strong in my chest it almost hurts if the story goes untold (I've been going about thinking it aloud.) Right now I'm trying to draw parallels between the world in which we live and the world in which the storyline will take place. I want it to be both as far-removed from and as familiar as our world. It will be a story of our views, our interactions, our lives. This is what this blog is set about.

........................................................

Okay, I've got the script for the first seven seconds ready in my head.

The colour scheme, the characters and the overall feel of the short movie is ready. Now it's time to get down on my knees and get my hand dirty in this.

And for ideas on the storyline, I'd like to thank my Big Masta' and Confidante. Thank you for this life I am living! It's not a bed of roses but it's certainly a privilege. This project is really exciting! I'm just hoping so that my energy won't run out ^^

To think of the place to start
or the end result
but God of the Universe
calls me His own

Regardless of the outcome, I hope this story will have far-reaching influences to those who come across it. Neckbrace Insignia is a beginning of the journey towards one's true expressions. Cheers ^^

You knew me
You chose me
Before time begins, You love me...
I feel so unworthy, so undeserving
But then You love me, and took me as I am

Fly Me To The Moon

In holiday mode...

Okay, I am still in my exam period (barely halfway through.) My brain is filled with these other 'non-study-related' thoughts; not all of them are even issues worthy to be given even some piece of thought! Like my earlier obsession with green tea milkshake... it was a good thing A.B.E.M went to Samurai for dinner and was willing to help me out.

Right now I'm up to Week 8 stuff for 309. Still four more topics to go (apart from the current one I'm on): one sorta 'conquered', one halfway conquered i.e. struggling, and the other two are... blank canvases. I've spent some 5+mins up to this point in the blog due to switching back-and-forth between this and the PDF files. Alright everyone, this is not a good way to study! ...which will probably means it'll take me quite a while to simultaneously blog and do tute questions.

::starts lurking on at 12:25AM::

::lurking mode off at 1:20AM::

Okay, tired enough. Can do tute 8 stuff but do not understand what I am doing. Time to go to bed. My mum's around, and she's meant to have a rest. It'd be great if she could rest without waiting for me (a late-nighter owlish person) to accompany her to go to bed (an early sleeper.) Got to rise up early tomorrow, aiming to finish all the 309 topics by noon (pray hard!!) That leaves me with less than 5 hours of sleep.

If I could really run away, I would. Probably. But then, I've made a promise not to. Problems that are left undealt accumulates at a frighteningly monstrous rate.

If this uni student feels she so much deserves a break from uni pressures, how would a full-time career mum (and a full-time postgrad student as well as businesswoman) would so need a break. She is burning both sides of her candle and definitely deserves this break. I hope she will be able to enjoy her time here and catch up with the pleasures of life... in her terms, "modom, jalan, makan, modom". That roughly translates to "sleep, have a walk, eat, sleep."

Somewhat tortured with the idea of leaving home, and somewhat excited (if not cynical) about it. How will I cope? Where can I find my support system if I 'go back'? What if I go somewhere else? The future is uncertain, and all I can foresee and expect so far is December's working holiday. I'm buying a kanzashi book and will learn the art during that period. The slight prospect of studying something that involves mainly the right side of the brain excites me, altough it may seem distant right now.

I'll leave you with a good-night lullaby for grown-ups. Take care, be courageous and good night.

Fly me to the moon
And let me sing among those stars
Let me see what spring is like
On Jupiter and Mars

In other words, hold my hand
In other words, baby kiss me

Fill my heart with song
And let me sing for ever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore

In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you

Shine

Got a stop-press news today, one I have been expecting for the past couple of days. Great.

(Mind you, it's an ironic expression.)

I don't know what to do, whether to confess or not to. What am I supposed to do?! OK, to streamline the decision-making task (a term so overused during the past couple of hours), the options fall under three sections: (1) tell the boss (2) don't tell the boss (3) help the involved parties make an informed decision. There are actually two decisions to make; one is involving a choice of (1) and (2), the other is whether to carry out (3) at all. So far I have been an anonymous observer in this stage. From now on I will probably lose that 'privilege'.

Tell the boss involves a lot of secret-opening, probable backstabbing, yet will shed light on what some people need to know on a fundamental basis. This may result in some sort of information leak and, in the worst cases, gossiping. I don't want to ruin anybody's reputation. Yet, I do think the boss is a suitable person to sort this out (sorry!)

Don't tell the boss involves keeping my position as an anonymous observer. I may have done the wrong thing by not helping others make an informed decision: the boss, the parties and myself. This possess a potential problem exponential/compounding function similar to that of a compounding interest formula. The only difference: put something upwards of 80% as the interest rate in order to work out the future value, then plug on chance as a determinant variable. Great.

Help the involved party makes an informed decision. What can I do... other than pull out my Pandora's box of memories? It would certainly stir things up. There is a chance of me being seen as a busybody, but I don't care much about that. The stuff that I've been through is hell, I've spent so many litres of tears on it (plus a bout of panic attacks and several months of bitter-cold hostility), and I honestly don't think it's worth that much. I don't want those, especially this particular person, to play a Russian roulette go through all those. To be frank without being condemnful, pretty much most (if not all) of the revolver chambers are loaded with bullets. The chances are not too good.

I hope they know what they are getting into, I really do. What would He want me to do? I must be attentive and give my ears to listen.

::sigh...::

Patience, after all, is worth its weight in platinum, gold and precious stones.

Shine, let them wonder what you've got
Let them wish that they were not
On the outside lookin' on
Shine, let it shine before all men
Let them see it once and then
Let them glorify the Lord.

(untitled)

Hurray, I got a December-long internship in Jakarta! ^^ Looking forward to spending my holidays constructively - not in terms of earning extra pocket money, but rather in filling up my resume (working P/T at Myer during Christmas would easily earn big bucks.)

The main idea, apart from listing the internship in resumes to come, is to understand what will be involved should I take this corporate ladder-climbing lifestyle. How I would turn out after some odd 10 years is definitely of particular importance. I believe women should be allowed to work as long as their homemaking tasks are completed (which can be eased off, to some extent, with the presence of housemaids. I love housemaids ^^ more about housemaids later.) On the other hand, there had been times when I yearned for my mum to come and pick me up from school then take me for a midweek lunch at a shopping centre. I do understand she works so that I can experience the privileges she missed out on - the piano lessons, the trips overseas, early exposure to multiculturalism. That, in itself, is a blessing. She is extremely lucky too, to have both daughters grow up not being a pain in the head (altough we do sometimes shell out her wallet :q) I do wonder though how we would turn out to be if she had chosen to stay as a homemaker. Probably I'd be less inclined to work and neater than now.

Twenty is such a young age to determine where this life is leading... but if it isn't now, it'll be too late.

Back to the topic of housemaids ^^ ooooh yes, I love housemaids. It increases employment in general and empowers women. There are cases where these women are mistreated, but during my life I have never seen my parents mistreat one of our housemaids. They treat them really well; there are these two young sisters, one about my age and the other younger, who have been working at our place for more than 5 years by now. The quality of nutritions that they have access to is as well, and even sometimes better, than what I got (in my case it's the 2-minute noodles diet occuring throughout the semester.) My mum treats them to occasional shopping trips and try not to raise a sense of social inequality between her daughters and these young girls. My dad treats the girls like daughters; he would be some sort of protector for them. The other lady, a mid-aged one, treats me like her own daughter... and I treat her like my guardian/mother. She even shouts or get angry at me more than my mum does whenever I do something wrong! I have to credit a lot of my arithmetics skills to her, especially fractions division and multiplications. She taught me sewing and cooking, too. It's a weird family arrangement overall!

I'll be looking forward to meet them this holiday ^^

Other than the internship, I'm thinking of doing some other enrichment things while I'm in Jakarta. Some of them are (1) Machiko-sensei's manga lessons (2) Latin dance (3) Dressmaking and pattern-drafting. Probably cooking more traditional Indonesian food. And learning how to read/write/speak Batak, at least bits of them! I still get stares whenever I tell others I'm a Batak.

Lastly, I need to keep my feet on the ground. Shouldn't let my head float off.

Ummm... sorry, couldn't really figure out a song that would relate to this blog for now, hence the title. Good night, rest well, and keep learning ^^

In Christ Alone

::switching off my English::

ALAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!!!!!!!!!!!

::switching on my English::

(sorry, couldn't quite work out how it should be translated.)

Exam was really, really hard. Or so I think. My acquaintances, who sat around me in the exam hall, said that it was hard too. Hopefully this signifies a good chance of an upwards normalisation. And out I went to the trailers to pick up my bag, then I met DD. Here is an excerpt of the conversation:

aChar: (trying not to feel awful) What do you think?
DD: (looking slightly tired) So how did you go?
aChar: That was hard! It's so different from the sample exam paper... I did badly. How did you go?
DD: (showing a bit of relief) It was good, it was good...
aChar: Huh? You think so?
DD: It was OK lo...

DD's dialogue roughly translates to... 'I did well back then'. If he says 'it was challenging', then it means he did OK. If he says 'it was OK', that means he did well. If I usually said I did OK when he said it was challenging/hard, and he ends up getting better marks, this indirectly spells doom...

........................................................

Eep, I better not think of it. Better think of resuming Tax Law. Better start resuming Tax Law! Alright, after I post this, okay?

If I somehow manage to get a good mark for Investments, trust me, it's God's doing. Not mine. I did some studying, read the readings, read the notes and tried to do the sample exam. In the exam room I was stupefied. So if I get a good mark for Investments, please remind me it's not my doing and it's simply by grace. It will be a miracle.

Walking in Christ is hard; who says it's easy stuff? So why exactly do I keep doing so? I have no one else to lean on to. He's my only absolute hope. Other things become of secondary urgency - I surely do not recall anything about my satin ribbon in the exam hall! ^^

Alright, time to study.

In Christ alone I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the Cross
In every victory let it be said of me
My source of strength, my source of hope
In Christ alone

Miss Vanity

Yes, you do know MegaTokyo.

(If not, check it out!)

Two characters that are of particular interests are Piro and Nanasawa. Piro is a bit slow in terms of reading between the lines, and Nanasawa has her own way of seeing things it challenges her to consider others' points of view. Moreover, Nanasawa is such a grey person it is somehow strangely comforting to know that there is somebody out there (albeit a virtual/imaginary one) who possesses a similar ambience of greyness.

Yeah! Got my dress for the wedding, hence the blog's title. The colour is bubblegum pink (WHAT?!) My brain might've been wired differently when I went there. It's good, it's lovely, but I still don't know why I picked it in the first place. The original colour selection criteria has been (1) black's a no-no (2) it better be bright. Who goes to a wedding looking like a drab going to a funeral anyway. At least my conscience would steer me hard from doing so, with the exception of last weekend's ensemble. The heavy lace dress was some sort of Cinderella's impulse purchase made because it fits. Yes, simply because it fits. The outfit completion was delayed until D-1, where I scoured shops to find the slip to go with it. It almost cost me twice the dress...

I have touched next-to-nothing of Investments... yeah, great. And here I am, blogging. Accompanied by an empty can of Pringles and some rendang (some beef-and-spices-and-coconut-milk concoction). Better end this now.

Going overseas... yeah, it's great, but why at such times?

She'll never be
What you want her be,
you know it's true...
Miss Vanity.

Blue Eyes Blue

What a sad song.

I have never realised the extent of emotions the singer was trying to pour out from his heart when he was singing. I should say I even underestimated this song at first. Listening to it makes scenes flash before my eyes; the dream hounts me still.

Sorry is not a word that can be taken lightly. It involves having two hurt parties; one was hurt by another's actions and another is hurt by seeing how the actions inflict pain on the other party. How one should use the power of sorry, that is still questionnable. Some are successful in doing so, and others to no avail. Never say forever in a euphoric stage. Only say forever when completely sane, and even then a large dose of reality needs to kick in. As one of my lecturers once said, make sure your conditions fit into the model's assumptions.

There are some things that would be great if expressed in a manga. The storyline is pretty much completed, the events a clear picture, but the characters are still little more than a blur. Some details are coming into life (hair, eye, preferred costumes, mannerisms) but not to the extent these characters are ready to take a life of its own. My hands need a lot of training, especially with ink and G-pen (Kyuubi suggested Machiko-sensei in Kemang but I'm still unsure whether I'll be able to make it). I'm very proficient with pencils and eraser, but I'm still on a venture stage, which means I will have to do pretty much everything by myself. There are many things to learn, although I've come a long way since the two-volume, grade-four notebook manga I wrote. Should I found it on my upcoming trip back home, I'd crack up and probably post a few pages' worth of scans.

Right now I'm training my heart to be puncture-proof. We get a few nicks and nails along the way, but by no means these should rip one apart. Will I need a year away? No-one knows. Waiting for the best answer is long, and putting the answer into practice arduous. Following Jesus is no easy thing.

Also trying to dig up things from 615-150. Yes, I disliked IS much, but it didn't stop me from doing full-on CSS-based pages. It might come in handy in decorating this blog.

End of story; right now priority number one is to do well in these exams.

It was you who puts those clouds above me
It was you who make the tears fall down
Only you who broke my heart in pieces
It was you who makes my blue eyes blue...