Over the Rainbow

Even though it's kinda late, but...

Happy Christmas, everyone! ^^

Why use 'happy'? (I've been arguing about this point endlessly for several Christmases by now.) Well, being merry does not imply happiness at all time. Various suggestions have included 'joyful' and 'gay'. To cut it short, I keep drilling the point that Christmas is a happy occasion but not necessarily a grand and soundful event that we see in shopping malls nowadays. Moreover, I wonder what kind of logical link exists in employing Batman lookalikes to the true Christmas spirit. My pariban agrees with me on this, even though he's just nine. At least that's an indication he thinks critically of the environment he lives in ^^

Working tomorrow and will have to wake up in 6 hours or so. Today chatted with a lot of people I've been longing to chat with, notably with Ron and PCT (not PC3). Talked about how to best rebound weird offers and confessions. I lack fluency and courage in saying no!! I need to learn more in this area.

Stella arrived safely (sans hubby, unfortunately.) She's off to her dad's hometown and will be back on Tuesday, which means we 18+ers will go out on Wednesday night. Can't wait! ^^ She looks beatiful, even more beautiful than when I last saw her. Ron and I speculated that wedding bliss might be the prime cause of the glow on her face. It's good to know.

About my cousin Tasia, well... she ended up coming for two days in a row, both Christmas and Boxing Day. We stuck pretty much together, which is great since we used to jeer at each other over 'who the first kid of Tasia's mum really is'. That topic is still a fresh joke, especially when her mum (my aunty) refers herself as 'Mother' when talking to me.

We had some cajoling happening in the kitchen... mainly about unexpected guests and guests not arriving on time (involving most people already sitting down and eating ther meal when a new batch of guests arrive). Mbak Parni deserves a lot of credits for her ability in keeping a constant flow of food from minimum resources - she truly is, as Rae dubs her, the Secretary-General of the House on CPT and its subsidiaries. She still fusses, whenever I call home, I should eat plenty of vegies and study well to this very day.

As for Christmas itself... ah, Christmas Eve. Something unexpected happened; it gave me an "oh, dang" reaction and kept me awake for some time. Lulling myself to sleep didn't help much so I woke up on Christmas morning with panda eyes. And so it happened again this morning, when I could not sleep for any clear reason, and woke up to get ready for a 6AM service. To exacerbate my nerves (and my grandma's as well), there were some emergencies, and our effort to get ready and leave on time consequently became redundant.

Tomorrow, I'm hoping it's not a Black Monday. Need a lot of energy to do some serious job-networking actions. Missing uni and a long, long~ holiday. Phew!

Someday I'll wish upon a star
and wake up where the clouds
are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
really do come true.

Nobody Ever (Only You)

Today we had lunch at Ming (again), the reason being Devi is leaving to work at some other place with an intelligent-sounding job description: macroeconomist. Don't get me wrong; it's good since economists are amongst the people who think the most. And then again, since I'm not inside that particular circle of people, I just read The Economist.

(That was a short commercial break ^^; )

My pariban Edo is staying over for the night, mainly to accompany my grandma. Side note: pariban is a Batak term used to refer one's marriageable cousin (of a different marga/house). Sweet Edo is about 9 years of age ^^ He's really cute and chubby; there is a picture of both of us, taken when he visited Ompung the other week. I also miss Tasia, my tall-as-a-model cousin. It was a surprise to hear her voice change, she sounded like a seventeen-year-old girl over the phone. It is no longer the chirpy tone she used to chatter in. By the way, she is just thirteen years of age and will be graduating from junior high just after her fourteenth birthday. I've been quite insistent in having her come over for Christmas under the pretext of "long time no see, I'm here - come and visit." Hopefully she'll come along this Saturday.

About this blog's shoutbox, I've decided to postpone its installation until I find one that is suitable. Really sorry about that, especially to Tiny and Yaki.

Yesterday I went dancing and was half-unconscious doing the steps. The cause? Backache caused by prolonged sitting on a dodgy chair (see short-sightedness). It boils down to this: do your exercise early in the morning, or do not tire yourself too much while working if you want to exercise in the afternoon. Being half unconscious (yet totally sober) while doing dance steps are really bad since you pose some health risks for your dancing partner and yourself i.e. stepping on his/her feet, being stepped onto, bumping or being bumped, and having to repeat the same moves a good couple of times. It makes the whole exercise less effective. Nevertheless, I had a good time learning, and the reversible skirt helps give that peripheral effect of dancing the stress away in Spain ^^

There has been a marked and rapid decrease in my appetite. I still feel hungry but just lost the willingness to eat. It's simply weird.

Looking forward to the dayoff on Friday. I'm in a state of financial near-bankruptcy, and going out on Friday would not help much to it. Just so happy that I will have a free 16-hour slot to catch up with rest and life. Oops, the F button on my laptop is somewhat unhinged. Looking forward to come home and fondle satin ribbons. Looking forward to toss Brownie at home. Looking forward for the day to be courageously honest to come.

Living here, for now, somewhat feels like being in a gilded cage.

I've never felt before this kind of freedom
like a child dancing in the rain
I didn't even know that I was locked inside a prison
and only You could break me from my chains

No-one but You knew where to find me
You gave me life I never had before

Nobody ever loves the way that You love me
Nobody ever saw what You brought alive in me
Nobody ever knew how lost I was without You
Nobody ever, only You.

The Hampster Dance

Khgkhgkhgkhgkhg.

Well, that's my evil laugh. All letters are consonants. They don't know what they're getting into. I bet there would be barely any left should they hear this laugh.

Haha, that's all. As the old adage says, don't judge the book by its cover.

(short-sightedness)

First things first: for Yudha and Yanti, congratulations on the birth of little Nindya!! I pray so that this girl will be able to grow to fulfil her fullest potential in life.

OK, now back to blogging:
Working in a professional accounting services firm is really, really bad. I will tell you why.

There is this concept known as the going concern concept that permeates in all sorts of financial statements prepared. What is meant by going concern is the assumption that an artificial legal person (in most cases a firm) will keep running indefinitely into the future, which articulates that all values used in preparing the financial statements are not "fire-sale" prices you'd find on a garage sale - this helps level price fluctuations created by excitement. What makes this concept so bad is since these firms assume infinite numbers of years to live on, they are interested in ensuring that their assets sustain this supposedly infinite life (which I think is a somewhat futile idea, as firms are created to attain an objective and will naturally stop once that objective has been achieved.) This in turn, where I work, brings an unending stream of "works to be completed urgently" at all time. Whoever can do a lot of overtime to channel through this stream will be employed; those whose body 'betray' them i.e. those who cannot physically manage to satisfy the demands will be cast aside. I honestly think this is not a fair system when you have a look at it from an employee's point of view. Once you start working in a corporate world there is little time left to pursue your interests. You get so little compared to what you surrender.

I don't think I can cope with some 20 years working as a corporate-ladder climber. There are definitely better things to do for my right brain, my spines and my eyes. Working in an office necessitates you to have a "40-cm point of view" because you work, well, with a computer/laptop. I'm not against technological advances but this is bad since you tend to become myopic - you only see what is on front of you instead of the big picture. This thinking pattern is even more encouraged by the structuring of performance bonuses - a one-year period is not long enough to be called long-term! You get to sit on a dodgy chair for 9hrs out of 24 (plus another two in the car - the difference being the seats are nicer), which is bad for your spine.

Really lucky that my mum does not entirely close her mind to me having a gap year. Her idea is that I should go to UK to polish my English further, which is a bit different to what I had in mind (my idea is that I should go to Japan and help others polish their English.) OK, it's entirely different, but it still has something to do with polishing one's English skills. Should I really go, I think I'll cry my eyes off for the first fortnight or so of living in England. There would be little social support available, which makes me think I will not be able to carry on living in England for a longer period unless I have friends the way I do in Melbourne and Brisbane ^^ I miss them a lot. Even with the wealth of communication devices like mobile phones, it does not beat having fellowship with them over there. I can say Indonesia is not my place for the next two to three years for sure. I still can't see where I would be in the next five years.

Oooh, the next five years. Tante-tante have been ringing their high-pitched voice in my ears, "when will you go on stage?" To be mean I can say 'next week!' if going on stage is being spoken of literally, that is. Symbolically, ...well, I can only give an overly sweet cringe. They might have mistaken it as a smile. I go to wedding parties with an aim to revel in a good dress and eat well, as far as I am concerned. One friend puts me as "having a bearish stance". I think it's more of a bullish stance (I'm not desperate 'to be sold'.) It ticks me, but at the moment I'm more interested in finding out whether I am about to have a gap year.

I am so looking forward to this Friday; it's my day off. Planning to go to Mango Two and TA for the day, and to Sunter for the evening. The amount of new malls sprouting up in the past few years surely knock my jaws down. There are heaps of them.

OK, back to Square One as research monkey. Helping out with working out some comparables data. Take care and listen to a lot of music! ^^ It's good for your ears and your brain.

Forever Friend

The week has passed somewhat unnoticeably.

Firstly, results. Passed all but without flying colours. My own response was a surprise, simply muttering off and looking at the right-hand column of the webpage. And saying, "Oh." Nothing more. Logically, I would have expected more. This time around it's really weird though, I barely had butterflies in my tummy. Probably I am so used to being disappointed at seeing unfulfilled expectations there was little surprise. Probably I am so used to stomach all sorts of news this had relatively little impact. The only noticeable impact was that I went a bit loose on my budget that day.

The year-end office party we had on Friday was plain weird. It wasn't opulent but it was grand. We had this 'Wild Wild West' theme, so everyone had to rock up in a suitable costume. It wasn't long before my cubicle friends started pushing the line "on how Wild Wild West the costume can be." It ranged from gypsy styles ("gypsies can always be found anywhere"), to cheongsam ("there'd be Chinese immigrants") and turbans ("if there were Chinese, there would have been Arabs"). A lot of people ended up going there cowboy/cowgirl-styled. Some wore Amerindian garbs, others lady-ish garbs - this includes the likes of Little Women, saloon girls and a madam. There were two guys who hired Amerindian chief feather headdresses - one hired a circular one, the other a piece that went down to the legs (plus a cardboard tomahawk.) Consequently there was best costume competition too. The winner for ladies' costume was this guy who rocked up in a floor-length ball skirt and a demure, matching boned top PLUS a feathered hat and a lace parasol. It was very period so he would have hired it. Apparently he wore a bra; his colleagues stuffed it with tissue, helped him to dress, and put his makeup on. He put on a really good entertainment on the night by behaving like a lady and chattering away in a ladyish voice. So that was how he won :q

The people in this office go somewhat nuts in parties. I reckon it's because of the work pressure they are constantly exposed to, so when they can go crazy they go real nuts. Still couldn't believe it...

Yesterday I read some letters by my late paternal grandpa, addressed to my dad. It was like a journey to find out about someone I barely knew. The weird thing is, I can see how his traits were passed on to me: the slanted handwriting, the curled s, the tendency to use sepia ink, the way he ended every single one of his letters with "So long" (I usually end mine with "Take care".) All the letters were written in English with minimal peppering of Batak and Indonesian terms. He had had the tendency to be a pedant. Considering the fact he had learnt foreign languages on his own through correspondence, his ability to write in English was astonishing. He would have been born a linguist. On the other hand, I personally have to admit I didn't like his handwriting once he started using ballpens - it looked rather haphazard. It was also surprising to see the way he worried over my dad when he was young is similar to the way my parents worry about me, muttering away things like balancing study and social life. Hearts don't change much, do they.

On this, I thank God that I do not know him from life. Otherwise, we would probably the worst of relatives (disliking each other for being so similar) and I would have suffered a lot from being 'left alone' down here.

Yesterday, another "do-you-want-my-son/grandson/niece" episode happened. It coincidentally happened at a wedding. Luckily F4 is not my thing and I live overseas, so it was not hard to fend off. About the bride's bouquet, of course I tried catching it (since it came with a bonus of a mobile phone.) There was Stef too, doing the same thing and expecting the mobile ^^ Anyway, we ended up not catching it and it went to this weird-ish guy. So much for an effort to save money :q

I miss the good ol' days of uni, but they will never come back. What is left to do is to be courageous in putting all those idealist decisions into action. Today I have been stern to some people, and I wish I had been more cool-headed. To think of it, there are only twelve working days left for me in here. Only twelve more days to decide which way I will be heading.

Take care, and make your decisions well.

We've given each other some hard lessons lately
We've taken for granted our love means everything
We've pointed our fingers but not in the mirror
I'm sorry, sweet angel, I busted up your wings

Not any more, not any more, I want you to fly again...
'Cause it's a lonely life, when you keep hurt inside
We can start again, my forever friend.

All You Need

Today's my fourth day working at the office. It's been pretty lame, and pretty expensive too. I don't know whether it is a mixed blessing to work amongst rather disinterested youngsters (me included, as the baby of the pack.) The lunches are pretty expensive to start it off with, but luckily Mbak Parni always managed to send me off to work with something to eat. Today she packed me Manadonese rolls, soy sauce tempura, some deep-fried thing, bananas, cheese and watermelon juice. With my tummy conditions right now, I can't finish them.

I've been having a series of upset tummy cases, which usually starts off during office hours. I don't know what sort of jinx this office brings to me but one thing I know is that I take toilet breaks often. It gets quite distractive, especially when I try to sprint off any remaining work before going to lunch or doing something else. Today, after Luvy's birthday lunch treat, it got real bad (even when I barely ate anything there.) I had to skip Budi's birthday cake. My tummy churns whenever I eat something. It looks like I'll need to stock up on po chai pills in case anything bad happens again. This has been going on since probably Thursday or Friday last week... oh, hopefully this ends soon. It's a misery.

There is a desk, a laptop, a cable lock, a drawer with keylock, a phone with a working extension number, and a super-slow internet connection allocated for me in the office. The internet drives me mad (sometimes things have to be downloaded first at home, then transferred with a USB drive before being used for work.) The computer's OK; its only limitation, apart from the connection, is lack of virtual memory power - it freezes occasionally. The desk is strategically placed next to the printer, opposite a huge glass wall and a few steps away from the Bloomberg terminal. Ah, the Bloomberg terminal.

(Who would expect this girl to be a research monkey anyway?)

Oh, yesterday we went to church. We met with some guy my dad happens to know quite well, we had a pep talk, and... one things after another, he asked me about what I am doing here. Here's an excerpt of the conversation:
Batak Old Guy (BOG): So, what are you doing here?
Me (M): I'm on a one-month working experience.
BOG: Whereabouts?
M: PwC.
BOG: Ah... PwC hey? I see. With your mum?
M: (cringes, but tries to smile.) Yup.
BOG: I see. You must be liking it.
M: Yea, it's not bad after all...
BOG: So what exactly do you do there? What kind of things are you assigned to do?
M: Ummm... (thinks) ... (thinks harder) finance researcher.
BOG: Ha, a finance researcher! That is a good job. All the best for your VE, and enjoy it.
M: (smiles, then excuses herself to put her glass away, and whispers to Poink) - I can't find the proper phrase for 'research monkey'...

I'm getting better with Bloomberg. It's not bad after all. I should thank DW for making me do his assignment, because it gave me some head start in using the terminal. The terminal here has got two flat-panel screens! It's so cool ^^ The research work itself is rather vague, I only get assigned to "research these figures", "look up for these descriptions", or "find such-and-such's subsidiaries" - there is very little hint on where these things are heading. The one I'm doing right now (on petrochemical and oil/gas mining companies) is probably for some client meetings, and that's as far as I'm allowed to tell. There is this confidentiality code and stuff... I shouldn't divulge sensitive information or else bla-bla-bla (some hefty penalties)... so I'll stick with it.

Is this sort of life the kind of thing I am here for? For the past four workdays, it seems like there is very little time left (after finishing assigned work tasks) for one's self-development. Sure, I've got work colleagues who comes [at least] half an hour late and leaves two minutes after five, but that's not the kind of attitude I want to have when approaching work. (I still get nightmares of waking up an hour late for my shift at Baku to this day >.<;;) Looking at my mum, well... she's a superwoman of some sort. I don't know whether I'm able to do the job well. Although money from this VE is not on top of my list, it gets somewhat demotivating when you get paid so little for so much work surrendered. And it RUINS your eyes!! .\/. not liking Bloomberg and the laptop much... keeping a vial of eyedrops in the drawer.

Result's out soon as well, and this adds up to the tummy-churning. God knows what kind of marks He's got in store for me ::sigh:: I really hope He gives good marks this time around. To be honest, I'm losing my self-confidence and don't know how I will fare. Just pray!! >.<;;

Lastly, the title of the song might be wrong, but I'll come and correct it once I know what it really is (and if this one turns out to be wrong.) It's a song by PC3, and one that is very very good on the nerves ^^ Here it goes.

Life can get so complicated
You forget what's real, you forget what's good
And they tell you you're educated
If you complicate the simple truth (ow ow ow ow...)
What's it all about? (wow uh uh uh uh!)
Let's break it down...

All you need is a listening ear,
a smiling face,
and a shoulder that you can cry on.
All you need is a listening ear,
a smiling face,
and a shoulder that you can cry on
you can cry on, baby...
(do you like our silly action!)